Take it off! See. Love. Grow.

Rejecting Rejection

• Joshua Fields & Jeremy Rubin • Episode 36

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Have you ever found yourself paralyzed by the fear of rejection? Faced with the daunting possibility of hearing "no", we often hold ourselves back, creating a tension that drains our energy and potential. Let's flip the narrative on rejection and view it as a stepping stone to personal growth rather than a setback. We'll share the transformative formula to reject rejection, building resilience and finding meaning in your life regardless of the response you face.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the take it off podcast, where we see love grow. I am your cohost, jeremy Rubin, and I'm here with my guy cohost, extraordinaire coach, r&b singer and concert goer, joshua A Fields.

Speaker 2:

You used to call me on my cell phone Late night. When you need my love, call me on my cell phone.

Speaker 1:

Okay, let me give you awesome context.

Speaker 2:

Late night when you need my love. I know when that highlight bleep.

Speaker 1:

Joshua A went to Drake last night, so he's feeling a certain way. Did he let you on stage?

Speaker 2:

He's got an addressing lesson going now more. What's that?

Speaker 1:

Did he let?

Speaker 2:

you on stage? Nah, he didn't let me on stage.

Speaker 1:

You went 21?

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, 21 was there. 21, 21, 21. He did something dope. He actually came down, he walked through the crowd to get to, almost like you're going. I think it was like a boxing match. They kind of walked through all the people in there, so that was kind of cool. He came down from like the mid-level section and walked down to the stage. Him and 21 did that On a scale of one to ten, because I know you were going to ask me what would I rate the concert. I rated in eight my professional opinion as a DJ of weddings. I have quite the lens on performances and music and music experiences.

Speaker 2:

I'm glad to be here for talent, musical experiences. I give it an eight. I think there's a fat that could have been trimmed. It was about a three hour show and yeah, drake, he was having some light skin moments. For sure, he made pop he always does, bro, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I like Drake because he taps into that emotion. He taps into the emotion.

Speaker 1:

Hey, get out your feelings, drake, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Sizzle to the rosé.

Speaker 1:

I don't like when you set up that you're about to sing, like when you do that, they're like yeah, don't do that, don't hit me with the ad Joshua feels.

Speaker 2:

You know I dabble in many things, my brother, but here today this has become an extension of my professional business as an executive coach. I work with individuals and teams by space to remove judgments, assumptions, interpretations, limiting beliefs, so people can see themselves just a tad more clearly, to inform the decision-making. I think today's topic is timely, Super timely. Like any other topic that we pick, it's always pretty timely. That's why I appreciate my creative podcast director. You guys should meet him sometime. His name rhymes with Ubin.

Speaker 1:

Literally, that's not a word. Or Cuban, that's like me saying. Your last name rhymes with deals. There are no like if deals is a word Deals like.

Speaker 2:

D-E-A-L-S no Deals All right, let's move the crowd along. They're waiting for us to drop this topic.

Speaker 1:

All right. Episode 36 is entitled Reject Rejection, and today's episode we will be leaning on an article from Psychology Today called Reject Rejection in Three Steps A Simple Formula for Building Resilience and Finding Meaning in your Life. High level of the article states rejections are not necessarily truths. They're opinions being expressed about a person or idea. The fear of rejection drains one's energy and creates unnecessary tension in their life or work. Rejection is temporary. It's possible to find deeper meaning in it and move on to new opportunities. What do you think about that? A little bit before we move forward Anything hidden it's I mean it all hits.

Speaker 2:

It goes back to a lot of our conversations that we have around doing hard things, and the hardest thing for people to do is to face rejection from something that they may want or stay attached to or that they see, from their current vantage point, as something they have to tolerate or participate in, because if they don't maintain some type of connection to it, they lose maybe a part of themselves or an identity of who they think they are, who they should be, for, whatever they don't engage in that particular conflict or resolving that conflict, and so rejection in what's underneath the rejection, is often telling about some of the work that we have to do to continue to show up stronger, resilient, and not let what we see in front of us stop us from getting what we want or engaging in the process of getting what our desired outcome is.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and for me, I just think about all of the things that we do to not to make sure we're never rejected. Right, we will shrink, we will change our leadership strategy, we will change the people we're hanging with, like we will do whatever we need to do not to feel like an outsider.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, sometimes.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but sometimes it's necessary, Like it's like, if you want something new, you want something different. Part of that is you have to go down a road that maybe others don't see your vision and aren't willing to follow whatever the case may be but you can't do it without the possibility of rejection. Right? And if you're worried about rejection, well then you know, at the end of the day at least in my experience it's probably going to lead to a pretty small life, because every move that you make is going to be connected to keeping people in your circle, regardless if that moves you towards what you want or not. The article goes on to say one of the key elements of building resilience is knowing how to deal with rejection.

Speaker 1:

Rejection is becoming more and more part of our everyday lives, with instant feedback via social media and the spread of cancel culture, where your views can be rejected or canceled if they are not in line with another person's views, leading to even more intolerance of differences throughout our lives.

Speaker 1:

We are both the recipients of rejection and the instigators of rejection. So you know, everybody can get it, we get it right, we dish it out and, importantly, we cannot expect everyone to just follow our way or accept all our ideas, nor will we always accept all, you know, the ideas proposed by others. So I think a lot of times we get that when we're like, yeah, I'm off, that I don't want to move in that direction, but we do get a little hurt when people you know reject our ideas or the emotions that we want to move towards. Now I know, joshua, you're just a different human being and I think that it's important for people to know that even the coach can struggle with rejection. So has there ever been a time where you struggle with this, had to overcome it, or maybe shied away from it and wish you had moved forward with experiencing the rejection for the movement of a great idea or movement or changing a relationship, whatever the case may be?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, the first example that comes up for me is I was trying to figure out who my ideal client was and you know I had these. I want to be, you know I had this, or I still have the vision of. I want to be, I want to hold space for people that are very influential, you know, like top 1%, and you know they could be in spaces that have inspired, like Drake, as an example, who's I know. He has a coach or he has someone on his team holding space, somebody, and that you know that's doing that. I think you know even another example Russell Wilson's coach, who passed away, and so I deal with mindset and I work with you know a lot of.

Speaker 2:

You know leaders of different companies, but I always thought about, oh, what would that look like if I was doing that in the music industry or in the sports and entertainment industry? And so I remember, actually you were, I think you even inspired this, this, the set of calls that I made, and I got on the phone and I was reaching out to some people in my network that could, that were at least close enough to the, to to that industry, that could bring me along, and I got really, I felt really small, even because I don't. I didn't even brand myself as a lifestyle coach for professionals in the music industry.

Speaker 1:

That are looking for the stars.

Speaker 2:

For the stars right. Lifestyle coach for the stars Just simplify it, right. It's specifically in music and sports, because I grew up on that and I'm inspired by it. So I'm having these conversations with people and they're like oh yeah, that's cool. I don't really think that's a thing, though. Yeah, I called Eddie's last name Q93.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I know who you're talking about. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Anyway, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know who you're talking about. Anyway, he's in LA. Now I called him. We got on the phone. He gave me the kind of like. First it was like a little like, uh, yeah, I'll talk to you, bro, like yeah, I don't really know what you're talking about, but I'll talk to you. So anyway, we ended up connecting and I explained to him hey, I was looking for, you know, opportunity.

Speaker 1:

Eddie Francis.

Speaker 2:

Eddie Francis right, I was looking for opportunity to support, you know, you know any any artists that, um, you know, need, you know, need clarity, time, think through, um, their thoughts, be able to get more clear, you know, remove judgments, assumptions, interpretation, limiting beliefs that could be stopping them from being as creative as they can be in their craft, something to that effect. And he was like, oh, that's dope, but you know, that's not really what, how they, you know, for what I can tell, that's not really something that but they they would need or participate in. But you know, I'll keep my ears out and I got this answer.

Speaker 2:

Keep my, I keep my ears open and I got this answer consistently from just people that I I knew a musician, I knew a cat, that was an A and R and everybody's like, yeah, I keep that in mind. Even some of my sports connections were like, yeah, I mean, I see the value in it, but you know, I don't really know, and so, if I'm going to keep it a buck here, I have not revisited those conversations.

Speaker 1:

Nope, we haven't talked about it in. I mean, what was that?

Speaker 2:

Four months ago this is like four or five months ago, yeah, yeah, and I have not. I have not revisited those conversations. I remember feeling as I was having I may like maybe six calls and or type of touch points, and you know I, yeah, I it felt like that would be too hard to try to convince somebody that they need my services and so I did not reject rejection and it taught me something and we'll get to it. It taught me that maybe at this moment where my confidence level was because I didn't have a curriculum I'm even thinking about it out loud now I didn't have the curriculum I have now. I didn't have my programming in the way that I'm approaching some of these other companies that are hiring me. So I even come in now with even more confidence about how I can change culture and and build a more inspiring collaborative space. And but in those moments when I was going through that, I'm like man, I'm feeling kind of like awkward and I feel, you know, just, I didn't feel confident and it was met back with, yeah, that sounds cool, but yeah, probably not, bro. It had that vibe to it. So then I just like you know, I was like oh, okay, okay and was now that I'm even keeping talking about it real quick.

Speaker 2:

I had a ELI with my cousin, who's attached to the University of Texas at Longhorns, and we had a. We had a. We had a ELI debrief and I just offered it up because that was one of the things I was doing to get them to to get in the space with me. I'll do a free energy leadership index assessment and we did that and he was blown away by it. So now I'm even thinking about well, there was once somebody experienced it. We were able to make it applicable to the sports world and he was, he was sold, and so, anyway, anyway, you're just bringing some, some memories up. Long story. But in the midst of what I was going through, it it affected me and shut me down because I didn't see my value in the way that I wanted them to see me and it didn't. It discouraged me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I, and I think you know it's. It's interesting because everyone will have their opinion and they talk about this Like literally, was like this is your opinion. Yep, right, I'll ask you a question Before COVID, was Zoom popping Like, had you heard like was Zoom a big deal?

Speaker 2:

Uh, it, it it was within my corporate space Within your space, yeah, okay, that's what I'm talking.

Speaker 1:

To a guy that was, that was corporate. But to the masses, people who right, facetime, now, every right, everybody right, but they had to position. They just positioned theirself. This is like we're, this is what we're doing. And then an opportunity came.

Speaker 1:

I would even say that for even therapy and coaching, there was a huge shift. Go try to find a therapist right now. Go try to find one and see how long it takes you versus pre COVID, yeah, right, what's interesting is like sometimes it just takes something to happen, a shift, but you, you're, you're there, you're present, you have your idea, you have what you want to do and you do it regardless. Um, and I've had that before too, where it was just like man, I obviously am coming to this person for the plug. So now the double edge part of that sword is, if they reject me or say I don't think that's, that's an idea, I may take on that more than I would take it on from somebody who I'm not looking like. If I'm just having a conversation, I'm like I'm doing this, oh, I don't see the disconnect. You don't know what you're talking about, right, but the person that you're trying to get help from when they say well, I don't see the connection.

Speaker 1:

Now for you it holds more weight. Well, what if you're a visionary? What if you're the person that's supposed to lead in this area and create something that they can't even see? Absolutely, and I think some of the greatest people do you know like who thought you were going to be literally shopping from your home? Really, we're going to shop from our home. That don't make no sense. Brick and mortar is always going to be around, and then you got an Amazon. So just something to think about. Why don't you move us into the first step of rejecting? Rejection?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, number one reflect when faced with rejection. The article points out begin with reflection. Reflect on why the rejection happened. Was it your approach? Did you not give the right information that the other person needed? Was the rejection due to poor timing or because the person was too busy or simply not interested in the topic? Are you lacking some skills you need to demonstrate in order for others to accept your idea? Learn from the rejection and use this information to do better in the future.

Speaker 2:

This actually brings up a timely conversation and experience I had with a buddy of mine. His name is Matt Reese. We were talking about our experience with this other individual and I won't name this person, but we got in stock market and I was learning how to day trade on options Options meaning that it's a way to be able to create quick income or quick profit playing on a stock that you have calls and strikes and all that other kind of stuff. But I put some money in here and the individual that was guiding us through was just starting out, but they were well off. Sold companies made millions. It was like get back to their community. We got in there and I lost all my money.

Speaker 1:

I'm not laughing at you losing your money. I'm just laughing at you saying I lost all my money.

Speaker 2:

I lost all my money that I put in. Let me be very clear. So I started with 10K. I took some money on my 401K because I was excited. I was like I could put that in there and see what it does. It's for the streets, it's for the streets. I used to get up to 50 grand and then I watched it Not be at 50 grand.

Speaker 1:

It dwindled and most people were like why didn't you get out you?

Speaker 2:

went 5x.

Speaker 2:

Nah, I had to write it out because it could be more Right, right, yeah, so how does Anchor's Under Reflection is? I wasn't developing my skills. I was relying on someone else to create wealth for me. Yeah, and the rejection is me losing my money, right? So how do I stop myself from losing money and stop marketing something I don't understand?

Speaker 2:

And so it left a bad taste in my mouth so I just stopped doing it and used fear and overwhelm to keep me from participating in something that could be another means of income. I said I'll just say my buddy kept going. He now opened up his own, or is opening up or he's in the process of. He was the most accurate his own coaching around how to be an effective day trader on options. Wow, we met yesterday for the first time. I heard him.

Speaker 2:

You know he stopped by the house a couple of weekends ago with his family and they stayed and we got into this conversation and I was like bro, I want to be your beta client.

Speaker 2:

I want to try this again because, upon reflection, it was poor timing, because I wasn't focused, I didn't have all the information I needed and I'm talking with another entity, like there was an individual that was participating in the process that I didn't.

Speaker 2:

You know, I just lost my faith in that relationship and then it affected my outcomes in the market.

Speaker 2:

Right and this could be a number of things right, I'm at a job or I'm in a relationship, or I have a set of friends, and it's not even really the person. That's your engagement level with how do I get better? And without reflecting on where your blind spots are having conversations with people that can illuminate parts of your life that you've deemed dark or you're not willing to look at and see your role in it You're going to always be moving around with lacking information to make the most informed decision. So in that process, I got a chance to work with him, support him in his new business that he's building and then also build some skills to help my level of expertise in creating another revenue stream, and so it took some time to get there, but the reflection part was so key for me to be able to move through that with less catabolic energy than I had from what I believed I experienced the first time, which was not good. Resentment and anger abound.

Speaker 1:

So that's my little tidbit on that you actually and I think reflection gets you into a mindset where you can get above it, right, absolutely. Instead of being angry, resentful, like, oh my God, whatever the rejection is, they rejected me, right, and you start to get that victim, that one or two energy right. It's me against them, or woe is me you can look at the bigger picture and say, okay, what is actually happening here? How do I take accountability for my part? How do I get better the next time? It's like you're, like you're priming your mind to move because if you don't like you said, you will stay in a prison and not only will it impact that area of life. Right that you're like, yeah, I'm done with that, I'm off that, but other opportunities that come in you may be jaded because I've experienced rejection in this area. It looks like these two things are kind of close. I'm done with it all. When we close doors like that, we don't really know what we're closing doors to, because we have been moving down the road, yep.

Speaker 2:

So the lesson to ensure your doors stay open, that are open for you, is to always approach with and it's funny, this is even coming up Try to maintain these positions.

Speaker 2:

Be the observer of your behavior, because that gets you really above it, right?

Speaker 2:

This is a technique and I teach my clients how to do this Observe yourself, observe your and be the participant.

Speaker 2:

So don't stop engaging in what it is that you're trying to do for yourself, or reap the benefits of some particular engagement, and then be the creator, create, go out there and mess some stuff up and, you know, fuck around and find out for yourself, but maintain this delicate balance of observing, reflecting, being curious about what's working and what's not, and just let that be. Let that process in and of itself be enough for you to move through these things that can, like you mentioned, like, be a door close or be interpreted as a door close and can really leave you stuck, which is a level one mentality that we try to. You know, inspire against or coach out, coach people out of, and it really begins with being radically you know, again, radical honesty, being honest, and you know in your reflection about how you're doing, whatever you're doing and trying to get the most out of it and not letting rejection stop you. So, anyway, we can move on to the next.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. Step two is reboot. Right, and this is just a natural progression. So you're reflecting now it's time to reboot, to reboot. The second step is to reboot or start over, offer new information or try a different approach, for example. So this is just one of the examples article is using. If you are applying for a new full time job and you don't get it offered to work part time, to prove your talent first, now this is see, now this way.

Speaker 1:

This hits for me because there's so many people like, oh, you don't want my services, oh, you don't, you don't see the value of me. And next thing, you know, you're shutting your doors. Your ego is getting in the way. It's like wait, there was something that you want to hear. So is there like a middle ground that we could start with, like the idea of proving ourselves, I feel like, is being lost. It just in my experience that everybody and yes, you are special, don't get me wrong, but nobody knows that you're special and at the same time, you're just not that special.

Speaker 1:

Right, a lot of stuff, I would say a lot of decisions, are created by people that are in relationship with other people. So how do I get in relationship? How do I serve? How do I put myself in position to be chosen or to be accepted? And it seems like that goes missing, right? It says try to get agreement on a smaller idea instead of a larger, more complex idea. So find the common ground.

Speaker 1:

I love this because I feel like this moves you to a space where you understand that life is not linear and I'm just, I'm just kind of coming to grips with this. Like we feel, like we go A, b. That is not how life works, like you are going to be thrown a lot of things and, at the end of the day, it's about how you view those obstacles and how you move through those obstacles and rejections that are going to, you know, ultimately ultimately come to how you feel about your life and how full it is. Yeah, it's not about getting there, man. We get down and I know we talk about this, but we get there and then we feel almost incomplete, like we, because we would we accomplish the big thing and now all we do is move the goalpost.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I did that. Now I know I can do that. Now. What's next? Right, it's almost like you're cheapening your experience, right? How do I just be present and understand that this isn't an A to B thing, but there's some things that I need to experience on the way, and rejection is a huge part of that. Go get your nose, because you're going to grow from it Absolutely, but this reboot thing is huge, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Now I 100%. The immediate example that comes up is when you got a lot going on on your computer. You got hella tabs open. You might not have the RAM or the memory for the capacity of how many things you're doing all at once. And you're the bandwidth. Yeah, your computer freezes and that freezing is a rejection of you got. You got too much stuff going on, I am. We don't have the bandwidth to keep up. So let me reflect. This keeps happening. Do I need to increase my memory? Do I need a larger hard drive? Like you start the process of elimination around, especially if you're not ready to go just buy a new computer. It's like how do I work on what I have?

Speaker 2:

And oftentimes our life like we need to work with what we have, to get more out of what we have, because we have everything we need. It's about putting ourselves out there and doing some maintenance work on on our design, right. And so I think about the computer and we just don't turn power off, re-init. What you're saying is it's time to reboot so I can bring my computer back up to my operating screen. And now everything at this point is closed. Computer got a chance to rest and recover, even if it's just an on and off. If our computers need to reboot to be able to continue to function.

Speaker 2:

What say us about the human? Sometimes we're just in it and we don't see, we just we'll just be cut off to opportunities and be like oh, I guess it wasn't for me and we'll stay stuck right there. We won't, we won't, we won't reboot, we won't reflect. It's the other person's problem. See, this is how I was born in this and we don't in our mind just clouds us and clouds us and keeps us so small that we can't even think of like. That's such a great example.

Speaker 2:

You want this job and do you have part-time available? Because I really think I could, and sometimes the jobs will offer you part-time and then you'll say, ah, beneath me, and that's cool because you're right. You're right, no matter how you look at that. But you either will engage in how to, you know, get these smaller wins, that aid, to the larger picture, or, if you really that confident, you'll wait for the full-time job. But it's having a mentality really to be flexible for both and you're not seeing it just one way, especially if that, that, that job or that position or what the outcomes of where you are are connected to a larger vision for yourself. And so you'll find ways to make sense of what it is that you need to do to not, you know, cut yourself off from opportunities.

Speaker 2:

But anyway, I think you know. On the reboot side, I think about even even what that means for your mind to reboot and to see things fresh. And you need community to help you with that, because we can't, we can't, see the great design of us solely. We need our community to lean in and be our, be our, our mechanism for rebooting at times. So anyway, yeah to the next, next top or the final, the final R in this reflection reboot rejection.

Speaker 1:

For sure. I want to add one more thing to that too, because I feel like it's interesting. In our design, we can look at a lot of things like you looked at the computer, right, you think about where the designers of the computer, right. But I even look at nature, right. It's like, you know, you got summer, but you got to have winter too. Like there has to be.

Speaker 1:

There's a time for things to be dark, there's a time for things to die, there's a time for things to rest, but when it comes to our own pursuit, it's like we don't, we don't factor that in. So when it went that, it's like well, rest is for the week, or you know, like it's like wait a minute, guys. There's a reason why it's aligned this way, and part of the reason why we're judging ourselves is we're do we understand that even the machines need to recharge, right? Right, you know, even the machines. So I think that that's something that we just got to keep in mind as we move forward. All right, we're moving on to point three. Joshua, why don't you move us on to our last point, point three?

Speaker 2:

Reject.

Speaker 1:

Get with you.

Speaker 2:

All right. So the last point here is is reject. Some people may change their minds and decide to support you, while others may never change their minds. It's important to understand, like even when I read that some people will never change your minds. You're not a bloat of the ego.

Speaker 1:

That's just what you mean. You're never going to change your mind. Do you know who I am?

Speaker 2:

We're just not going to talk ever again. Right, like I know I messed up, but like I mean you messed up too, but we're just not going to talk ever again.

Speaker 1:

And it's okay.

Speaker 2:

Damn. It's important to understand that everyone is in a different space and some cases, no matter what you say or do, they will reject you or your ideas. Now I want you to put a period there for a minute.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we understand this. When this is everybody else, absolutely, we do. Oh, we can coach this, right? Hey, everybody has their prerogative. Damn, this isn't you. Don't take it personal. This is them, this is about them. But then when it's you or your idea that's being rejected, now, all of a sudden, we don't understand that this is just a part of the reality we call life.

Speaker 2:

No, that's real. That's so real. It's so real. And the example they use here. So, for example, some people strive for safety and predictability. Some people strive for safety and predictability, so your new idea may seem to them to risky. Other strive for creative freedom and your proposal might be too mundane or out of character for them. What you're going to do, right? Do you acquiesce to be something that comes across as more predictable and safe, or does your idea change, depending on who you're talking to? Right, do you tweak it to make it, you know, fit the audience?

Speaker 1:

Are we talking about a perfect world or what we actually be out here doing? We're talking about it. Yeah, talk to me. What's coming up for you? See? What comes up for me is we have the same Joshua and I. I'd rather be accepted for who I am than reject, or I rather be rejected for who I am than accepted for who I am not. Yup, because you get into these spaces where you want to be what everybody needs and wants you to be, and in doing that, you get what you get some dopamine, you get some acceptance, you get the adaboy. You get you're great and yet you are dying every moment because you are not even moving towards what you want. You're moving towards the low hanging fruit, which is hey, can you just tell me who I am? Because I'm not really confident right now. I'm not really okay with having rejection on the line right now, so I'm just going to be whatever you need me to be. So, really quickly, you can tell me who I am, which is pretty awesome.

Speaker 2:

Or and you get, you stay diligent in helping people say yes to the smaller thing. Yeah, that could be connected to a larger thing, but if I can get you to say yes to the smaller thing and start to collect some smaller yeses, well, those add up to just a perspective. So at this point, it is important to move to the third step reject their rejection. By adopting this mindset, according to this article, you will ensure that you don't become a prisoner of your own thoughts, while at the same time, open yourself up to new opportunities to connect meaningfully with other people and other ideas. Some people have asked, according to this article the author, why is it so hard to move on after I have been rejected? Well, everyone's situation and background are different.

Speaker 2:

One common factor is the fear of not belonging to the group, of not being accepted by others. The fear of rejection, according to the research, will drain your energy and create unnecessary tension in your life. And, unfortunately, by giving into these fears, you're allowing someone else to have more power over you than you believe you have in yourself. And this is so common. Rejections do not. They're not truths about you. This is another person's expressed opinion about what they see about whatever your idea is, but if you do not let it stop you from moving forward, you can really do some powerful things. Every great story of anybody that you admire, no matter their level, they had to showcase resilience and move forward. Whether it's I'm going to get them to say yes to this, I'm going to get them to say yes to something. I just need to get in the door. I mean, we do this dating culture. Well, she said no, okay, cool. Well, can I be your friend?

Speaker 1:

Can I be your?

Speaker 2:

friend, Can we be friends Right? Just to get your foot in the door? Because if she's around me or if he's around me, I'm going to get them to see more of me. And we tell ourselves a number of stories to participate, until it gets to the point where their mind is fixed about you and they're not going to change and again you use that information as you see fit, but maintaining that consistency and not falling victim to wow, this thing happened and I'm not going to take any ownership and why it happened, or stop me from getting what I want. That is going to keep you feeling small and that's just simply not the full truth.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I think one of the things that I wanted to stop you on, because I think we need to really, really pronounce, we really need to just focus on this is it says it's earlier and you said while at the same time, open yourself up to new opportunities to connect meaningfully with other people and other ideas. See, I believe that if you allow rejection to do its thing, rejection, if you're paying attention and you stop shrinking, will actually move you towards the community. That'll help you get further. That'll help you get to what you want. Because if you don't accept me for who I am, then and you don't accept my ideas, If you don't want to move my direction no judgment, nothing personal then I should just be moving on and allowing myself the opportunity to continue to stay steadfast and what it is that I want, and making space for other people who want to move in that direction too. That, maybe rejection, is the gift, right when we talk about, hey, close the doors that are supposed to be closed. Well, in order for a door to be closed, that's rejection. We even have it in our prayer rather close the doors you're supposed to close for me, well, what is that? That's rejection. This opportunity is not for you.

Speaker 1:

So I think that if we really, really really look at it and we allow it to do what it's supposed to do, you should be grateful for rejection. This is telling me this is an area that all of me, or the amplified version of me, can't really thrive Again. I'm not going to get too much on my biblical soapbox, but Jesus can do miracles in his own town. Right, for their lack of faith, they rejected who he was, so he had to move to another space in order to do his thing.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and so my thing is if that is the case, then where are we staying, small at? Where are we contorting what we want or who we are to feel accepted in a space that we don't belong in? So it's just something to think about. But when you reject rejection, when you reject me, you're like this isn't about me and it is about me, right? It's like, okay, this is just saying that you ain't moving in the same direction. I'm moving in, cool, I can like you from afar, I can care about you and your work, but I'm going to move and I'm going to create community. That's going to roll the way I need to roll, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, right, 100%, and I think it's really maintaining what you want. Because then, what you want and what's coming up for me is this I'm on this investment thing right now so thinking about there are certain ways to look at a stock that can express how volatile the history of the stock has been. It was up here and it was down here, and it was up here and it was down here. But if you look at it in like that two or four hour window, you might see a different type of volatility than you would look at if you zoomed out at 12 years I mean at one year and see 12 months of data. And it really comes down to you can make money holding it for 12 months or trying to play within the nuances that happen within those 12 months. On the day to day you can.

Speaker 2:

People do it a number of ways, but if you don't know what you want, that will impact how you participate in the data that everybody else is looking at. And, specifically, my point is there's a different strategy for putting your stock somewhere and letting the algorithm play out. When you're holding it for a year, you're less impacted by the up and down stock price Like oh, it was here, and then it was here. Oh, I should have got out.

Speaker 2:

No, no, no, calm down. Based on my strategy, I'm holding out for where I start and time has to pass for me to get to where I want. So the up and downs are the ebb and flow of my emotions about wherever the stock price might go. I might look, but I might not even look at it because I know I'm going to be emotionally impacted by something that's going against my strategy versus the person that's in there. On the day to day they're like okay, I have to play these ebb and flows because I'm looking for something that is more short term and if you don't know what you want, one strategy, those strategies aren't going to work for you if you don't know how you want to engage in, how you want to make your money in stock market.

Speaker 2:

So when I think about our own life, what do you want?

Speaker 2:

Sometimes you're going to have to participate at that job because your thought is I need to collect a certain amount of time here in this position and go through negative experiences with my bosses, coworkers and peers, because I'm going to use all this as my experience to get to the next level.

Speaker 2:

So I got to maintain focus on doing me and not riding out the waves of what can look like. I'm not going to put up with that. Well, you're going to put up with something. You're going to put up with something. So you need to find your way to be steadfast and resilient in the midst of what could look like I didn't get the job, or they gave me feedback and it was this what do you want? Are you trying to ride this out to get a longer term outcome, or is there something short term that you're trying to get that that wouldn't work for you? So you get out of it Right, and so I think it's just really important to have a vision around what you're trying to do. That would inform the things that you may accept for a season.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and if you don't have a vision, understand that there are millions of visions out there and what I think what happens with a lot of people, myself included is if you're in that area where you're unsure and you're not confident, you don't have a strategy, then in getting all of this different feedback from all these different people that may not be in a line with what you think you want, because you haven't identified yet, now you're constantly paying hopscotch you got one strategy one day, you got another strategy the next day. You're beating yourself up because you didn't stick with one thing. Now you're getting all this new information and you feel like you're being pulled in all these different directions because you don't have your strategy. Yeah Right, like when we were talking about weight loss this was probably about a year ago I was asking you about. I was like because I begin for those people who don't know you know Joshua.

Speaker 1:

I think one of the most impressive things about him, for me at least, is that he lost 80 pounds and kept it off. Not lost 80 pounds after a breakup, not a lot. He's married, he's got kids. He just decided he wanted to do something for him and he's kept it off for 10 years, a decade. So I'm like, hey, well, what like what? You know, what's the like what? What would you do as far as diet? I'm thinking this, I'm thinking that and I'm all over the place. And Josh is like whatever you do, just find one thing and stick with it, like it doesn't matter what program, it doesn't even matter what the workout is, but just find a thing and stick with a thing. For me, because as you're moving from one diet to the next, as you're moving from, maybe, an orange theory, fitness to a powerlifting approach, your body's consistently changing back and forth. You keep, you keep, you're moving it from one thing to another and you're staying stagnant. And I think that we do that with a lot of things because we just don't have a strategy.

Speaker 2:

And that comes from confidence and that comes from being okay with rejection, and that exactly that comes from just getting out there and being messy and not you, and not allowing the messiness to discourage you. You need you need it to be messy. My wife is going through some life coaching right now. One of the things her coach has expressed to her consistently is no, it wasn't, it was not a life coach, it was a. Anyway, I think it was a. She saw a spiritual coach, but anyway, what they informed her of is you know, it's time to let life be messy, take the risk, make some.

Speaker 2:

You know, we folks that are in my wife is one of these people predictability and safety. So I might present something to her that's like that doesn't sound predictable or safe. So then she double clicks and wants to know that this and that and how this would have you thought about this? And I'm like, I'm the creative, like you know, kind of like, let's just figure it out. I don't know what we're going to do. Life is going to tell us the data that we need and I'm like that with a lot of things, with a lot of things, and I just that's just my style. So our two styles or approaches to life can be at odds at times and and it is my reliance on her ability to want predictability and safety in the home that makes me feel comfortable to be as creative and like ah, let's just fuck around, figure it out. And she's inspired by.

Speaker 2:

Well, I love my husband's ability to just be fucking around and figuring it out, because that style has obviously generated a lifestyle for us to create an environment that's predictable and safe for our family at home, right? So there's these ebbs and flows of the or there's these, these tensions that can exist, that also can be in harmony and letting yourself be messy. Really, here is the point, because you'll need that messiness, because that's data, that's information and like, let it, let it unfold and come out and so you can look at it and be like I really let's, let me string these songs together to create my playlist, because I really like these songs and they really amplify me, versus like I listen to this song every day. I haven't listened to another song because this song does it for me.

Speaker 2:

Oh, okay, cool, you're just be limited to listen to one song and you'll be. You can only see what that song has to. You know, make you feel like when there's so many nuances, so judging things really becomes just anti progress to your growth and development as a human, because you need to be able to see yourself clearly, and that's not judging your behavior here or what you did there. It's reflecting and thinking about how can I string this together and create more of the world that I want, because we have the power to.

Speaker 1:

We have the power to. So, at the end of the day, when it comes to rejection, reflect, reboot and reject rejection and move forward with what you want. And as long as you have a strategy for what you want and as long as you're vocal about that, there's lots of this universe. You are going to attract people. The Calvary's coming. You're going to attract people that are going to help you get there. Again. This is the take it all podcast. This is a dope episode. I really appreciate you. I appreciate our audience. Here's some things that you guys can do for us. You can download the episode, of course. We appreciate you listening. Share with somebody that you believe will help them. Also, join us on our social media platforms and tell us what you want to hear. I don't think we've done an episode in a while of what people wanted to hear, so I'm excited to approach that. What do you want to hear? How can we help you? We are here to serve our community. That's when you're supposed to come in, joshua.

Speaker 2:

Oh, you're on a special role. I'm like okay, our notes don't indicate me speaking again.

Speaker 1:

I know but normally, see, I normally leave space for that, because normally you do, you come in, yeah.

Speaker 2:

I'm not predictable, bro or safe.

Speaker 1:

Black reflective and take it off.

Speaker 2:

Out. I love you so much.

Speaker 1:

I love you too, thank you.

People on this episode

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Jeremy Rubin

Co-host
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Joshua Fields

Co-host