Take it off! See. Love. Grow.

Part 1 - Keep an Open Mind: Navigating life with Empathy and Gray Areas.

• Joshua Fields & Jeremy Rubin • Episode 40

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Could you be standing in your way of growth? Ponder that as we converse in this engaging and thought-provoking episode. We're taking a deep dive into the complexities of open-mindedness, challenging our own biases, and the power of empathy in shaping our personal development.

From the onset, the dialogue bubbles with the critical need to remain receptive to life's lessons, the fluidity of right and wrong, and the importance of carving out your unique path. We then segue into a poignant discussion on the potency of open-mindedness and its role in challenging biases. In his episode we provide insight into the importance of generous interpretations, being cognizant of one's beliefs, and the power of questioning for personal evolution.

10 Steps To Become More Open-Minded | Indeed.com

Find us on our online platforms:
Co-Host: Joshua Fields ACC, CPC, & Master ELI Practitioner
Website: https://joshuafields.coach/   
Instagram: https://instagram.com/joshuaafields?igshid=NDc0ODY0MjQ=
Email List: https://archive.aweber.com/newsletter/awlist6189433 

Co-Host: Jeremy Rubin, Keynote Speaker, Author, Consultant, Sales Leader
Website: http://faceconsultinggroup.com/

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the take it off podcast episode 40 birthday edition. We got a birthday boy in the house. Joshua feels I want to wish you a happy birthday from me, all of the people that love you, that listen to you, love, that want to. You know, hold you up. We just want to put you in the light right now and spin you around and say happy birthday, bro. Spin you around.

Speaker 2:

Oh man, baby, I just don't get it. Do you enjoy being hurt?

Speaker 1:

So we're going to move from that I know you smell the perfume, the makeup on his shirt. We're going to be for the birthday tribute to this.

Speaker 2:

You know that they're all lies, fat as you are, you stick around and I just don't know why, if I was your man baby, you never worry about what I do.

Speaker 1:

You know what I was picturing. What's that King I was picturing? You was like Simba and I was Rafiki and I was holding you to the sun.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, everybody see.

Speaker 1:

It's the circle of life, baby, so do we want to talk about it, man, how you feel, how you feel to get around this.

Speaker 2:

We're not going to get into the Let Me Love you by Mario. Like how you kind of like being an hater.

Speaker 1:

No, no, I'm going to extend this to the rest of our family. So, just so you guys know, hit this guy up with all the birthday love because he is a birthday Grinch Hater.

Speaker 2:

Okay, he doesn't like to celebrate his birthday.

Speaker 1:

You are your birthday Grinch Hater. Okay, birthday, whatever it is. Grinch is to Christmas, as you are to birthdays, but I'm not going to allow that on the Take it Off podcast. Okay, we're going to honor you all day. Lift you up all day.

Speaker 2:

All right, man, take it off Episode 40.

Speaker 1:

Keep it open mind, dang, he's still deflecting you ain't going to say Thank you, man.

Speaker 2:

This is episode 40.

Speaker 1:

This episode is entitled All right, joshua is 32 today Again, my name is Jeremy, co-host is with the Mostes and this is episode 40 of Take it Off. And today we're talking about keeping open mind. Okay, keep an open mind. This is part one of a part two series and we are going to be leaning on indeedcom. Okay, having an open mind is important and we can be so closed off sometimes. You know, I mean, we're free thinkers. Now I'll say, and I would say, you're a little freer than me, like if you talk about us too.

Speaker 1:

Us too now, yeah, yeah yeah. I'm prefacing that with now, okay. Okay, because with now I mean, and again, I think that for those people who know Joshua, if 100% freedom, if freedom to the you know completely free is 100%, what would you give yourself Like a 97, 96.

Speaker 2:

In terms of my thinking. Yeah, yeah, you know, I'm definitely an open minded person, no question about that.

Speaker 1:

Okay, 97% is what I'm giving you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I probably give myself like 91.

Speaker 1:

Okay, yeah, I'm giving myself 91. I'm not even gonna pretend like I'm just open to everything, right, but there was a time where you and I both and again based up on where you grow up this happens where there is right and there is wrong. There is no gray. Okay, we call a gray lukewarm. You're being lukewarm, absolutely. But there was right and there was wrong, and I can remember getting upset at people when, especially in my younger years, when they did not subscribe to the things that I didn't even understand were beliefs, I thought they were law and I got to be honest, I didn't have an open mind. What about you, sir?

Speaker 2:

A lot of my close mindedness was embedded from a fear based value system supported by our ideals and beliefs of the church, the doctrine, the interpretation of the scriptures and how we applied them to our life, and that led to very close minded right or wrong, black or white, heaven or hell thinking. That was very binary.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And I get it. I'm not even I get why that that's a thing, and many folks have results that they say, yep, this is when I've started believing this. Then my life changed for that, and that's fine. It's just a fixed way of thinking and you don't leave room for growth, which can inhibit your ability to see new things and transform your life and ultimately become a fuller version of yourself. When you start to include more data or ambiguity, less attachment to one side or the other, and you find yourself in more of a neutral space to be able to evaluate and observe what is, without trying to make what you see what you need it to be to suit a narrative for yourself that aligns with something that you need a construct to be supported by. And so all that experience happened from growing up in the church. Now, right, life has happened. Life be life, and if you allow it to life you, it will grow. You and you'll.

Speaker 2:

Not that you outgrow or you, you're better. I don't mean this like I'm better than the thinking that raised me. No, that thinking is still very much a part of me. It just has more nuanced colors in between the size between what's so called right and what's so called wrong. I see more of the hues in between and I get to decide what hue of color aligns with me, on whatever spectrum that I'm, that I'm looking through, or lens that I'm looking through that I'm trying to determine.

Speaker 2:

Well, how does how does this fit me? Because that might be not the best idea for you, but for me it works and I'm okay with that. That my, my differences that work for me are okay for me and I'm okay with whatever you need to work for. You works for you and we can be. We can be. Yeah, I'm doing it this way, you doing it that way, because there's no one way to do anything. There are just consequences that follow our actions that either help you with advantages or take away from you, that become obstacles, but you get to decide what you do with those obstacles. You get to decide to do with that pain.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, and I and I want people to understand that we are never picking on Christianity, that's just. We just grew up in the church, right? Yeah, like this, this idea of being closed minded, things. I'll tell a quick story. I'm in college and one of my first crushes was a girl who was Persian and I'm literally talking to I mean, baddie certified, baddie certified. She literally. Now I have no idea that this is a thing like that, that that at least now I don't know if it's changed a little bit, but I had no idea that this was a thing that she said basically like look, we can go out, like we were planning on going out to this restaurant, but if anybody connected to my family walks into this restaurant and sees me, I'm getting up and I'm leaving. Right, she told you this. She told me this to my face. She's like hey, just like, just so, you know, like me, messing with you will give me cut off like a black dude, absolutely so she's like.

Speaker 1:

I mean, I don't know that's, that's up for interpretation, like, like BC energy or no?

Speaker 2:

I hate you, but the point was did she know you had BBC energy or no?

Speaker 1:

She knew that I was Jeremy. Okay, we'll just go there, we'll just stay, we'll just stay right there. So I'm Jeremy, right, and I had no idea I'm in classes with this girl. She's super dope. I had no idea. She's basically like look like this is a thing, like we're not allowed to like entertain black men and so yet you're at the restaurant and yet you're clearly entertaining, right, but we're talking about you know, how do you get to a space where you can say, huh, I don't know if that really serves me. I don't know if that's right for me. That might be right for you and y'all, but for me that doesn't work. And I've had a few occasions where things like that have happened, that have opened my mind, where I'm thinking, wow, like you're really connected to something that again, you talked about fear base. She was afraid. She's like look, I'm okay with you being pissed off at me. What I'm not okay with is being disowned because I want to make this choice. So I think it's just real for different people in different realms, in different ways.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's real.

Speaker 1:

I don't want to just pick on the church because, like I said, I think that this shows up in a lot of different ways.

Speaker 2:

What about yourself.

Speaker 1:

You ever had any crazy.

Speaker 2:

Anything crazy.

Speaker 1:

Well, not anything crazy, not really, not really. No, no, anything wild, no CF. Okay, joshua has nothing to say for the first time in a while. Moving on, let's talk about the definition of open-mindedness. The article says it's the ability to be less judgmental and more inquisitive, introspective and considerate. Open-minded people may be viewed as more honest and reliable, since they tend to consider multiple perspectives before reaching the decision. That's huge. Here are some characteristics of open-mindedness. These people are willing to have their ideas challenged. This is huge. Willing, willing.

Speaker 2:

Willing To have their ideas challenged.

Speaker 1:

I know leadership who will literally surround themselves with people that will never challenge their ideas. Right, like literally, we are going to do worse as a company to protect my ego. How about that? And y'all done already. Put me in power, saying then you can do about it. We do this. We surround ourselves with friends that will not challenge us, so that we don't have to change.

Speaker 1:

So this thing around being open-minded and how that's connected to security is huge Staying calm when you're wrong, being empathy for other people, thinking about what others are thinking, being humble about their knowledge and expertise. So, like I said, just leading with what you know, saying I know what I know at this point, but maybe there is another perspective, maybe there's a different or better way to do it or a more efficient way. Wanting to hear what other people have to say, believing everyone has a right to share their beliefs and thoughts. That's huge, okay. So, sean, here are some of the benefits of being open-minded you become more insightful about different beliefs, lifestyles and cultures in the world. I find myself now at age 40, asking people who I know. You're 41. You're 41. Okay, you know what? Actually, I'm going to be 42 next, but this is crazy, bro. Time is moving. You wouldn't even let me get away with that.

Speaker 2:

No, I mean, I don't sometimes count the COVID years, so I technically turn 40, now 42. So that's just my own thing.

Speaker 1:

I just go by decades, bro, like when I get to 50, I'll be 50. Right now I'm 40. I'm in my 40s, got you. But I'm just now getting to a space where I'm actually being interested in other people's religions and what they follow, because it seems it's a belief system that drives so many people's lives. And what I've found is it's interesting at how close the similarities are, right, Like when you actually get away from who's right and who's wrong, being able to find the through line and why we're all lifting our hands and raising our voices.

Speaker 1:

So that's been really dope for me, improving your ability to be more realistic or optimistic. So there's all of these benefits of being open-minded and again, I believe that this is one of those ingredients to the recipe, like if you're trying to get to the next level. It may not be doubling down on what you believe in this season. It may be being humble enough and removing your ego enough to be able to say huh, I wonder what makes this person tick. I wonder what makes that go. Like, let me just re-engineer and see what I can learn, instead of just saying I know it all. But anyway, why don't you move us into the curriculum, joshua?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so number one around how to be more open-minded is being aware of your biases. So the article outlines biases or biases. How do you say it? Is it biases?

Speaker 1:

I think it's biases. But you can say biases, it's tomato tomorrow it makes you sound smarter. I think yeah effects.

Speaker 2:

Okay, let me finish. Impact, yeah, effect or impact how? How else do you say how? How we interpret information and cause judgment or stereotypes? Biases affect how we interpret information and can cause judgment or stereotype. Becoming more aware of your own biases is the first step to challenging them and becoming open to new ideas. When we take in new information, consider how your biases affect your interpretation. If you feel ready to accept the additional information, then think about how this information might confirm your existing beliefs. If your response is to reject the information, consider what makes it challenging for you to accept. If this isn't, this is the key right here. I mean, you started on a religion, about being open now to other religions, or learning and seeing the consistency through the through line. Yeah, absolutely, these universal truths. So what's interesting about that? So I'm going to bring it back on the religion piece. Grew up Pentecostal speaking in tongues, church eight days a week. All of that. Who was speaking in tongues? Bro? I was speaking in tongues. I still speak in tongues. Baptized Holy Ghost feed.

Speaker 1:

I had somewhere I was going to go, but I just shut my mouth because I ain't going to hell today.

Speaker 2:

Not today, not today. Don't blaspheme the Holy Spirit brother. No, I still had the ability to tap into that my mom reminds me all the time.

Speaker 2:

Now you know you feel something that you can do. You can't do everything because God has you marked. Set apart, set apart all that. Yeah, there's a. There's an individual at my gym that is a Satanist and I am so curious about what. Does that mean to be a Satanist? A whole worship or just a devil worship, or just out of here? You know what I'm saying, like, but I'm in a space now where that doesn't frighten me, that doesn't make me like, oh my God, get away from me, you're demon possessed. No, like, I'm just curious, I can.

Speaker 2:

I'm secure enough in my belief system where I can be open to seeing People where they are, especially when you start talking about you're a coach or you hold space for people in a non-judgmental way where assumptions, interpretation, limiting beliefs play a non-factor. You have to be able to access information that is beyond what you can see and doesn't necessarily confirm or amplify your existing belief system, so you can feel better about yourself. You have to challenge yourself and being aware of where you naturally align is beneficial for you to be able to entertain challenge, be open to hearing other perspectives. So I often talk to this individual at the gym and they told me I mean, we got God's side of the story. What's the devil's side of the story?

Speaker 2:

I thought about it. No, I never. No, I have no problem getting in the scriptures and flipping it and be like what's this, what's the other perspective here? But when you just think about that logically, we have people in our lives and we hear one side of the story, but we know that the story isn't complete until we hear the other side of the story, or at least another. We would hope that we would hope that Right Right.

Speaker 2:

But the truth exists in the perspective of all the people that may have witnessed an event or have been impacted by something, and so just to apply that logic to the deities was very interesting and provocative about. Well, you know, just from the story, well, why did the devil rise up against God? Was God tripping? I don't know, you know, who knows, you know. And then you look at the description like yeah, god was all about the. You know, he was handling it Like you're going to worship me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I brought you out of darkness into tomorrow's light.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I set you free from slavery. Yeah, you, I'm him, xerxes, that guy. So anyway, I know that that's a provocative topic, right About considering the vantage point of the viewpoint of Satan in the midst of our collective beliefs, around all these belief systems in the world. And it's just you don't again, I don't meet, you don't meet. Maybe I'm not aware of Satanist every day, but it was just a very provocative conversation and I and I and I know at one time I wouldn't even be able to tolerate that conversation. It would be you're going to hell. They wouldn't even see you.

Speaker 1:

You wouldn't have seen any person as a person, absolutely the moment that they came with that. It's like you're now not a person. Yep, yep. You're the op, you're the enemy. Yep, right, yep. What's actually coming up for me with you is like in the military right, you get dropped off somewhere. They say trust your training, right, because you got fear, you got all of these. You know you're going to get hit in the mouth when we trust your training, right, because your senses will have you doing some dumb stuff. Your senses will have you operating out of fear. And I think what you're saying and what this first point is talking about is like what is our training when we meet someone who has different ideas than ours? Yeah, if we have no training, then by default we're just going to dismiss this person.

Speaker 2:

Right Everything that they have to say.

Speaker 1:

Right, we're going to do what they'll say. We're going to protect our beliefs, our values, our ego.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely Our ego more importantly, more importantly.

Speaker 1:

But if your training is to say huh, if your response is to reject the information, consider what makes it challenging for you to accept it. But if that was a part of your makeup, well, that is forcing you to be inquisitive versus judgmental. That's a bore Right so unbeknownst to maybe even you. It is the training, trusting the training that allows you to actually have access to power for more people.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you know, I never even that's a skill, I never even thought about it like this. But thank you, brother, you just kind of you freeing me amen.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

That's birthday present number one. Yeah, birthday present number one. Well, hey, let's get to birthday present number two. Let's consider the opposite viewpoint, if you will please.

Speaker 1:

Man. Consider the opposite viewpoint. Do you know how many fights that I got into in dormitories Because I wouldn't consider the opposite viewpoint? It's like your view is trash. How many relationships that were ended because I couldn't consider the opposite viewpoint anyway. Number two consider the opposite viewpoint.

Speaker 1:

Open-mindedness involves being able to question not just others but also yourself. Think about topics that you have strong opinions about and then imagine the perspective of someone on the other side of the argument. Try to think of at least three reasons someone might hold this opposing view. See, what actually really comes up for me with this is where did we get the information from? And this is why this is important is because when you show up, whether you're in a relationship, whether you're at work, whether you're doing business, whether you're procuring clients, you're part of who you show up as right you, but a large part of who you're showing up, as is what you've been fed as you've grown.

Speaker 1:

Right, yeah, it's your experience, it's what your parents said, it's what your community said, and what's interesting about this is that we can argue with our parents and disagree. We can argue with people within our community and disagree, but the moment that someone outside of that has a differing opinion or view that we weren't taught. Now, all of a sudden, they're the op. Well, are you saying that your parents are infallible? Are you saying that your community is infallible? Well, we know it's not because you've disagreed with them on things, but yet you're showing up as a person that says these are the things that I have chosen from that community or those experiences. That is right, and if you're not careful, you can never evolve, because this is who I am right. So I really like this. Like, instead of just deciding that someone is wrong, taking the time to actually ask yourself a couple of questions when you feel a certain way.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah. And by being aware of where you naturally gravitate toward because of whatever belief system you've been handed down, whether it's religious or whatever, and then being able to consider a viewpoint that's outside of your galaxy, outside of your your, your experience, and to be able to do that Right. That's the spiritual experience to be able to disconnect from what you hold on to. And this is what I do in my sessions when I'm coaching people level seven energy. I'm the observer, I'm the participant and I'm also the creator. Creator. I get to do all those three things and pick the viewpoint so I can have an Objective view about what it is that I might need to see as a blind spot or consider.

Speaker 2:

Even if I naturally go back to what my belief system is, I'm able to hold my belief, see another perspective and be open-minded to see the nuances that exists. That is truth that will have impact on whatever outcome that I'm trying to try to move towards. But being open to be available for that experience is really the power of being spiritually In tune, connected to humanity, the experience of humanity, and then find your win. Well, what, what win can I align with that gives me a win and gives the win for the community that I'm serving, and you have to do that in an open-minded way or you won't be able to access the growth opportunity, because you'll remain fixed, you'll remain stuck, ultimately, to a viewpoint that might not even serve you, but we attach aggressively if we feel a sense of insecurity. We don't feel as safe by letting go, sometimes at the very thing that's destroying us, and so, yeah, go ahead, go ahead, feeling, feeling so no, I was gonna say this was also coming up for me with.

Speaker 1:

This specifically is so I'm a hell of a salesperson, right, like I, absolutely okay, and and I know you know that we both have a background in sales, but anyway, okay, I was on this. I hate you, I hate you know, that's that, that, right there, that's that. I'm gonna just leave it alone. That's that Seattle, though, you know exactly. But no man, I so I'm on a tear. I'm selling, selling, breaking all kinds of records, selling cars month in and month out, and I had heard this saying that People haven't bought because they just haven't ran into a salesperson yet. And I remember there's three or four customers straight that had gone to other dealerships and then came to work with me and I said you know what it is, you just haven't ran into a salesperson yet. You ran into one today. Now, that could be true, but me saying that it was crazy people that I know I would have closed Five or six customers in a row. Oh, thank you, jeremy, it's been great. Thank you so much. You've been awesome.

Speaker 1:

We got to think about it. Never heard from him again, and then I had to realize I got a change. I can't say this anymore. Like whatever, whatever it is in this this that that I'm just confident about, but it's coming across is maybe boastful or bragging. I'm actually challenging these people to leave, and I had to decipher myself. That eat and just saying that I Need to have an open mind to be able to constantly change my approach, to basically hone in on a Process that was gonna give me a higher closing ratio, and so it could even be true, but the moment you say it and you're connecting with people and it comes off wrong, I could have took the opposite approach whatever, if they don't want to buy for me, they're hurting themselves, right. But it was like no, I got a goal here and I need to change this up. So let's be open to changing something that is not working for me.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, shall we move forward. Let's do it All right. I love this Practice. Generous interpretation I've never heard that phrase before many either, not until this patient.

Speaker 1:

I like it though. Yeah, I like it a generous interpretation.

Speaker 2:

I'm about to add that to the vernacular. So generous interpretation is the process of assuming that people have good intentions. I Would to tweak the language a little bit. Generous interpretation is the process of a Not jumping to conclusion that someone's out here to hurt you. Yeah, and Sometimes when we're hurt by others, so man, it just sometimes it just doesn't have anything to do with you.

Speaker 1:

I would say 99% of the time it has nothing to do with you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's their stuff. It's that. Now it doesn't mean that you're not hurt by their stuff, but very rarely is this Towards you because of who you are. This is because of who they are. So, having a generous interpretation and knowing that how a person impacts you very rarely is ill-willed, they're just limited in how they can support you. It goes beyond, as the article continues beyond simply considering someone else's point of view and actively searches for positive justifications for their actions. So, for example, if a co-worker does something that upsets you, think about the situation from their perspective, consider what their motivation might be or what else might be happening in their life that affects their action. The most generous interpretation would assume the co-worker meant well or was preoccupied with other things, even if their actions were upsetting. And I'm telling y'all this is the case, yes, like 99.9% of the time.

Speaker 2:

We had an episode on pseudo-exceptionalism. Oh, you think, because you're so special that people hate you. I was literally just about to say you ain't that special, you're so hated, and you got, oh, you're so called by God that, yeah, these people are submitted to your plan. Yeah, I got competing priorities. I can't make Sunday night service because my daughter's struggling in math. I need to stay late, I ain't cooked dinner, I got to do this and then I'll make time to go to church. That's just an example.

Speaker 2:

There's a plethora of competing priorities that we get to decide what we make real in our life and by just putting yourself in a space to not be so attached to the negative option that you take personally about why someone's not doing X, y or Z, 70 to 80% of our thoughts are negative. 95% of those thoughts repeat themselves because that is based on a very survivor minded. A survival mindset is happening to me. They did this to me. Level one energy. Now I'm pissed off because they didn't prioritize my time. Level two energy catabolic and draining in nature. The article is moving us to free yourself from being overly attached to the negative possibility. 155,000 planes land daily safely, but we will only hear about the breaking news if one of those planes fell from the sky and we will hear about that one plane for the next three, four months.

Speaker 1:

We'll do documentaries if they go missing. I still want to know what happened to that plane in Malaysia, like how did we lose a whole norm.

Speaker 2:

The norm is for planes to take off and land safely. That is the common occurrence, yeah, but our mind will take any negative event. This didn't go that way, and then my whole day is ruined. Did you have a whole day ruined, or did you have just one moment that didn't work in your favor?

Speaker 1:

And who ruined it Like here's the thing, let's move it away from planes. Let's go with something a little more plain Right Double on time. How many texts do people respond to every day?

Speaker 2:

Like you send a text to somebody responsible. Hold on, now you're coming down my street.

Speaker 1:

Come on, how many times do you send a text and they respond in a good time frame, a respectable time frame? Yet that one person that does not respond to you right away and don't let you see that they read it, oh God.

Speaker 2:

If I see you read the text, oh my oh, now you're on my street. Right, you read the text I don't want to read. Receipts with me. Have it delivered so I don't. So I assume you didn't get a chance to read it.

Speaker 1:

Now, now, what am I saying Now? The story I'm telling myself.

Speaker 2:

Obviously.

Speaker 1:

I'm not that important to you. Yeah, obviously this isn't that important to you. Obviously we weren't as close as what I thought. Obviously you so busy. Right, we're telling ourselves a story because and it's always the worst it couldn't be like oh yeah, man, the baby's over there crying, or an important phone call came in, or they just had, or you know what, guess what? It's? This person's right Like texting's only been around since like 06, 07. Right Like, literally. In the grand scheme of the world, texting is in its infancy, absolutely. And yet if you don't text me back in a respectable amount of time and with the right injured, and don't go hours of not texting me back and then just give me a one or two word response, really you're for the streets. At that point, I don't care how long we've been rocking, you're for the streets. Why is it that way? Maybe you could shed some light coach.

Speaker 2:

I mean we're hitting on it. I mean we had this feeling of specialness. Yeah, I sent the text. I don't care what you do with these other dudes or this other guy or these other women or whatever it is that you're going on, but when I send it, because it's me, it should matter. Post haste yeah, absolutely. Waking in a hurry, absolutely. And yeah, go ahead, go ahead. And we do this with our kids. Yeah, you need to respond to me because I'm your dad. That elevates my place in your life. And I'm not saying this shouldn't. But that doesn't necessarily mean they have to drop everything for you Because they're going through things Like when you're overly attached to a fixed mindset about what it means to be someone's, whatever role you play in their life, why that can have a detrimental effect on your expectations and what you think you are, because people ebb and flow, like things are going on, priorities are shifting.

Speaker 2:

You might always matter, but you might not matter in the moment that much for what it is that that person's dealing with. And again, if we don't remain curious and not overly attached to our bias, thinking and not making way for other perspectives will overly destroy our worth for other people because you're a part of a whole ecosystem. It's not all about you. Even our existence on this planet. It is so vast, it is so enormous. We're hella important and we're so insignificant all at the same time.

Speaker 1:

Yep, I shared this with you the other day. In 125 years, None of the 8 billion people that are on this planet will be here. Well, I'll be gone. Say that again, dude, In 125 years, the 8 billion people on this planet, including the newborns, are all going to be gone. We're going to be replaced with other people, Like we're just going to be gone.

Speaker 1:

And I think that that, like when I think about that part and then I think about all of the things that I stress over what we do, what you're talking about actually with this kids thing, with this people thing, is when we want a desired outcome, we write a story in our head of what it should look like. Okay, and unbeknownst to us that these people who are characters in our life are not characters. We can't strip them from their ability to have an emotion around. So I'm not being so irritated my kids. When they get irritated, I'm like what you got to be irritated about. I remember vividly being their age. I remember vividly my very small world, how big I thought it was and how important the emotions I was going through was. And what's interesting is I've, as I've gotten older and I've gotten more responsibility and I've got more weight on my shoulders, but there's levels to this. I'm like, yeah, that's just not so bad. Where did the empathy go? Yeah?

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

Where did the empathy go? And I have to remind myself all of the time that human beings are allowed to have, you know, to allow to express themselves in a human way. And what's crazy about it is, if you are open-minded and you allow people to go through that, they're actually more connected to you, Because the other way you're just repelling people away. Yeah, yeah, Anyway, I'll move on to number four, which is ask questions. This is like when you talk about communication 101, one of the things that we don't do is ask enough clarifying questions. Okay, the article says open-minded people tend to ask questions rather than offer their own opinion or argue. You can practice asking more questions during almost any conversation. For example, if a co-worker is talking about a hobby, you've never tried ask them for more details about it and what they enjoy about it. I tell this to people all the time the most intoxicating thing that you can do for another person is listen. It's to be present. It's to make them feel like they're the only person in the room, Because it's so rare outside of when we want something.

Speaker 1:

We talked about this in one of our earlier episodes. Guys, it's like when you first meet a girl and you're trying to crack at her. You're on everywhere, You're listening to everything. You're like oh my God, tell me more about that. You with somebody for a year, two years, three years all that active listening that went out the door. You're multitasking, you're on your phone, you're handling yeah, there's all these important things that are going on. Wait a minute. There was a time when I was the most important thing, and it's interesting these competing priorities that we have that move us away from doing this very simple thing. Instead of just jumping to a conclusion, instead of just telling your worst story, why don't we ask a question? No, I'm off that. I'm not doing that. It's so crazy, but this is us.

Speaker 2:

That 100%. Instead of it being asked questions. You said it, it's listening, right, listening intuitively, by asking questions that aren't about you but are about them, so you learn more and you drive your curiosity versus oh, what are they trying to say? Let me be ready to respond, versus ready to listen, with a question that allows more to unfold from the conversation, so you learn more. You get more information. That way Mass coaching 101, ask one powerful question at a time that allows the person in front of you to unfold, so you learn more about what you think you know. The rest of that information is in the answers that are going to come from within that person. Right, that is a. That's a silent journey that's not loud and braggadocious, and it's a. It's a. Let me just be quiet with you while you just unfold like a flower so I can learn more about how you're designed, and that then gives you so much more perspective. That ultimately lessens your fear, because once you understand something more, you're less likely to fear it.

Speaker 2:

A lot of all of our issues 100% can be related issues with people or cultures, or or or countries. It's deeply embedded in. We have a fear about us that makes that that, whatever it is feel less human. And if it feels less human, I can do more damage. I can. I can make, I can transform my mind to do damage and ill will to something that I don't see as connected to me, and if you need some information or some examples, I'll be back. Folks for 3, 5th human, we can justify slavery. Well, they're not even really people For sure, right? So I'll move us along to this last point here before we close out.

Speaker 2:

This first part of the article in this episode is think about the neutral viewpoint. Try brainstorming the potential reasons for a neutral viewpoint on a controversial topic. You can ask a friend, you can talk about the issue While they simply listen and summarize what you say. This technique of having someone else repeat your words back can help you see the situation more objectively. This is why people need a mirror to look at everybody's to have kids.

Speaker 1:

You need to have kids. Your kids will do this.

Speaker 2:

Kids. But this is my work with people. Yeah, yeah, this is coaching. You get to show up and talk and my job is to take what you're saying and reflect it back to you without judgment, so you can read your data that's coming from within you and then make some really objective decisions that are informed. They're from you, they are about you and it moves you into a space of neutrality because we're not overly connected. If we're radically honest about what we're speaking about, we're not overly connected to a fixed way of thinking, because you're too complex for that. There's too many nuances in your experience for you to have. Well, that was right and that was wrong, was it? How about? It was just what it was and it led you to be here at this moment of your experience on your human journey.

Speaker 2:

Where you go from here is looking back, maybe reframing parts of your story, looking for opportunities to love yourself more, have some more self-discipline, use that to then inform. All right, where am I? How do I navigate? And are those steps that led me here? Do I want them to lead me to the next step, or am I ready to make some more informed choices with the information available to me? Because I'm not judging it. I don't care if it's right or wrong. I just care if it is an advantage for me and the people that I'm destined to serve by being more of my authentic self. That is why having a neutral viewpoint and not having a white knuckle grasp on why I got to think like this with this new information isn't fitting what I wanted to We'll find some new information, then I'll reject it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and go find somebody who'll agree.

Speaker 2:

Have somebody, yeah, exactly. And then guess what? I'm not growing because you've found so much information to keep you stuck where you are, because that feels comfortable.

Speaker 2:

Yes, it is comfortable Comfort is detrimental to your health, all of it Emotional, physical. Your body is designed to be challenged. As soon as we accept that that's the human condition, we need to be challenged to grow You'll find opportunities to be challenged so you can grow. The first point that was made, that I thought that was so impactful willing to have your ideas challenged. Don't be so overly committed to what you believe that you don't let other insights come in and help build who you are, because that's the collective human experience we learn from each other, we build from each other, we push each other. Find a community that allows you to be in those spaces so you can grow and evolve. But anyway, man, this is the dope first part of the article, great, fine.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I will add one more thing to this. I think sometimes what we lose and why this is important keeping an open mind. When you keep an open mind, it allows you to engage with more people. You can't do nothing without people, and I think we forget that. Like, if you want to grow your business, it's going to take people doing what Buying into you Absolutely Right.

Speaker 1:

If you want to be promoted at your work or moving to executive or moving to another layer of managed, whatever the case may be, it is people that say yeah or nay. If you are driving a business and you need customers, those are people too. Like. There's no wasted time figuring out ways to connect or have more quality connections with people, because that's what it takes for the world to go around, and somehow we figure, because whether it's our connection to technology or social media that that's gone. But don't fool yourself. You know you need to be continuing to work on this education, this continued education around connecting with people and finding people that are like you or people that aren't, that are going to help you become a greater version of yourself.

Speaker 2:

Like Satan is at the gym. Oh and a little bit.

Speaker 1:

I'm so done with you and Satan being at the gym. Oh, man, you know he's probably listening to again. This is the take it off podcast. I'm so excited. Another happy birthday for Joshua. Yes, thank you, Appreciate it. Oh, and what's crazy is they can't see you, but I can see you're going right now, man.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you look. Yeah, yeah, it's the guy early bro. It's the guy that me bro.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's cool. I'm a Pharaoh, you can be a God. Again, we put some things that you can do for us moving forward. You can download, you can listen, Tell us what you want to hear. You know we really appreciate your feedback. It helps us keep going. This is episode 40. And I'm so excited to do it with my 42 year old friend.

Speaker 2:

Joshua Sprinkle me, man Sprinkle me.

Speaker 1:

My sprinkler, anything I'm gonna.

Speaker 2:

Body water, Sprinkle me man.

Speaker 1:

And on that note did you Okay, is that what? We're doing.

Speaker 2:

Bro, you acting like you might have been too much of a church boy to know who he 40 was.

Speaker 1:

Do we really want to compare who was too much of a church boy? Is that what we're doing? I just accept you for who you are.

Speaker 2:

I love you for who you are. I have an open mind for who you are Me too. Yeah, that's what's up?

Speaker 1:

Well, it's a pleasure doing this with you Of course it is.

People on this episode

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Jeremy Rubin

Co-host
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Joshua Fields

Co-host