Take it off! See. Love. Grow.
An unfulfilled life has less to do with what it is - and more with how you see it. Your fulfillment is often on the other side of a tough decision or conversation. It is in the resolving of conflict and the releasing of self-judgment that we grow the most. So, if you feel stuck in your career, relationships, or how you think about yourself, it’s time to “TAKE IT OFF” and show up as your authentic self. Joshua A. Fields and Jeremy Rubin co-host the “Take it Off” Podcast. As a master practitioner of the Energy Leadership Index with 15 years of executive leadership experience at a Fortune 10 company, Certified Executive Coach Joshua Fields has a proven track record of creating high-performing teams and environments for personal transformation. Renowned author, speaker, and founder of FACE Consulting, Jeremy Rubin, immediately impacts groups large and small using humor, personal stories, and practical, result-driven applications. These two have brought unique life experiences, skill sets, and energy to create an experience like no other. The mission is simple but not easy. It is to empower people with the skills to see and accept themselves and others clearly and without judgment to live a more authentic life. So, if you’re ready to live with purpose and curiosity and to get clear on what you want for your life, join us weekly at the “Take it Off” Podcast. Some concepts are based on and inspired by the coach training program Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC).
Take it off! See. Love. Grow.
Happy New Year...So What's Your Escape Plan?
Stepping into the new year, we share personal stories like the soulful connection between secular music and worship, and Jeremy's son Caleb’s proactive role with the Black Student Union. We also have an enlightening perspective on MLK at a high school assembly, promising to challenge how we view our heroes and their humanity.
Turning the page, we confront the fears that often tether us to the known, exploring the audacity required to chase dreams. We're here to remind you that the path to freedom often cuts through the forest of our deepest fears.
As we march towards our 100-episode milestone, we emphasize the pillars of support and community that sustain us. Reflecting on the sacrifices of civil rights leaders and the importance of community in fostering growth, we encourage you to make those tough decisions that redefine relationships and ultimately, your life. So, join us on this voyage through sacrifice, hope, and unwavering determination to live authentically.
Welcome to the take it off podcast, where we see love grow. I am your co-host, jeremy Rubin. First of all, I want to say happy new year, merry Christmas, all that good stuff. You know, we've been married Now.
Speaker 2:Merry Christmas.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we've been out for a minute. Man we took Christmas is like a month old. I know that says a lot. We took the holidays off, so we're back to our community, but obviously he wants to introduce himself. Before I can get through my introduction, you already know who he is. The co-host is with the most is executive coach, family man. You know, man of God, here we honor Joshua Aaron Fields. Joshua, say hello to the people. You're ready to put me up to speak on the pulpit?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, that's the intro. Yeah Well, I don't know if they was coming with an R&B love song. You got the love that I want, the love that I need. Word is bond is butter. Baby, I ain't saying, I ain't saying Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. You're like my home, made my shoulder, you show me so many things and you're so special to me.
Speaker 1:Thank, you, Jesus.
Speaker 2:We've been kicking it for a while.
Speaker 1:You remember when church used to do that?
Speaker 2:Prima Donna style Take R&B sounds you remember when church used to do that Prima Donna style, take R&B sounds.
Speaker 1:You remember when church used to do that. They take R&B songs and they would just insert Jesus instead of who it was about, so that's all you was talking about was your relationship with God.
Speaker 2:That's all you were talking about. God, you're like my homie, yes, and then you can show up like my shorty. You show me so many things and you are so special to me, so special to me. Oh, we've been kicking it. You knew me before I knew myself. We've been kicking it for a while. Yeah, I don't know if God has a second. He's sexy smile, something like a go there. Well, here's the thing.
Speaker 1:Here's the thing. He created it all right.
Speaker 2:So if you create it all, we have access to it all.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Music sold child's love that song was actually a gospel song. It was originally a gospel song and he just and hold on.
Speaker 2:Yeah and uh. Oh, kim Burrell actually remixed it to be a gospel song. She changed the lyrics and used God instead of love. So that's yeah, which was the original intent.
Speaker 1:Oh was it. Okay, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I'm saying the song originally was it was always meant to be.
Speaker 1:It was always meant to be right, she just brought it back to its original form.
Speaker 2:That's right. Look at that, there's a word. Right there, there's a word.
Speaker 1:If we stop this podcast, there you've got enough, you've got enough.
Speaker 2:You've got enough. Welcome to 2024.
Speaker 1:Hey ex church boys in the building.
Speaker 2:Anyway, that's right, God we love. What would you like to say? What would you like?
Speaker 1:to say to the audience where we get started hey, another one.
Speaker 2:Episode 45. Uh, not management. The break has been needed and, um, you know I'm looking forward to this content we have today. I got a chance to witness you last week Um, we're probably like a little week off from, uh, martin Luther King Jr's birthday but got a chance to watch you in action and I'm not going to spoil it anymore. I'm going to let you talk about what you were speaking on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, uh, today's episode is uh entitled. Our heroes are human and it was actually inspired by um, you know, my, my boy, my one of my sons, caleb, walked into a BSU meeting black student union meeting and he comes to me and he says, dad, um, I really like this was a few weeks ago. He's like I really like what they got going on there. I think I'm going to go back. I was like, okay, of course, son, go do your thing, find your community. And uh, next thing, I know, the next day, he comes back. He says, hey, dad, uh, they're looking for speakers for the MLK event. And I went ahead and let him know that you have a little background in that. I'm like, okay. And uh, he said, um, you know, coach Nick, who heads the, the BSU at Kentwood, is uh going to be reaching out to you. So he reached out to me, he asked me if I helped and, of course, if you know, my son's connected to something and they need some help, I'm going to show up, uh, and so we're looking to do this MLK assembly.
Speaker 1:So I haven't spoken in front of a high school and I don't know how long, and so what I did was I said you know, let me, let me pull the kids. So I brought, you know, my daughter, hopi, um, lee and Caleb into the living room and I said, hey, I'm trying to put this assembly together, but I want to lean on you guys for the do's and don'ts. And they said, dad, here's the deal. We've been hearing the same thing about MLK since second grade and, honestly, people tend to shut off when the assembly starts. So if you can maybe do it from a different angle, I was like, well, that's right up, mali. So then I had remembered, you know, you had done an MLK assembly. It hasn't been two years going, yeah, two years, yeah, yeah. And if you guys don't know anything about, uh, joshua a is that if anything he's going to take a radical approach to anything that he is called to do, it's not going to be conventional, unconventional, always Unconditional AF.
Speaker 1:So I said but, I need to speak to about the direction I probably should head in, since he's already done this, is Joshua, so I called him up and we started to talk about this um, this innate um routine when it comes to our heroes we put them on pedestals, um, we are so surprised when they do something that just proves that they're human. They can, they can't, make a mistake without paying for it and paying for it publicly being slaughtered. And you know, I wanted to really get to what the human side of Dr King was, because you know, they've heard the speeches, they know about the civil rights movement, they know the impact, but really, how does it connect to them? And so, you know, one of the areas that we, we touched on, um, the biggest prison, I believe that he, he was in um, based on some stuff that you, you, you pointed out to me, and and then some research I did for myself, was that MLK was actually um, he actually tried to commit suicide twice before the age of 13. And he dealt with a crazy amount of depression, um, you know, all the way up to the day he was assassinated, to the point where, uh, his, his confidence, his, his, his, his, uh, his team wanted to get him psychiatric treatment but he wouldn't because there was too much pressure at that time. Of course, cause there's still some stigma around it now, but at that time the stigma was insane and he knew that if he were to seek that type of help, that the opponents of the movement would use that against him and possibly bring that movement to an end. So he suffered in this prison, for the most part in silence.
Speaker 1:And so my question, the pose of the kids, is um, you know, what prison are you trying to break out of? You know? And, um, I did, uh, I had 10 of them pulled and the answers were I mean, just crazy. And I and I, and I read them on stage and got a chance to say hey look, we're all trying to escape something as we move towards great. And we, we modeled it towards the escape plan that, uh, dr Martin Luther King had. Um, I know I faced a lot of struggles in my life in different seasons and I talked about what it took for me to finish college and basically outlined this escape plan.
Speaker 1:That was a universal escape plan for them, not as necessarily a destination but as a process, because we all know that, um, you can get free for one thing and you know, be moving right into the next thing that you need to move through. So they want to give them this illusion that this is a one shot thing. This is a process of how you move through where you are right now, with all the shame that comes with it, with all the weight that comes with it. Um, and and and still, that does not disqualify you from what you want that you can be a hero and a human at the same time. As a matter of fact, you can't be a hero without being a human, unless maybe we move into the Marvel universe. Uh, and so it was really powerful, um, for me. I have, um spoken all across the country for different things. Um, I've been paid very well for it.
Speaker 1:This was a pro bono, of course, a free event, and, and I would say, joshua, that it is uh, it was the most important event in my life because my kids got to see their dad, like, really see him in his element. Um, they were getting testimonials from people just talking about the power of the event and how it impacted them. Um, you know, my, my, it's so funny. My, uh, my daughter's friend, zaria, she says, um, she was, she was, she was on the phone with us and I was giving her some advice about something and and Hope's looking at me crazy because she don't know Zaria's going to take the advice or not. And Zaria's like, look, your dad's the most inspirational person I met. When he says something, you know I'm going to listen to it. I'm like my jaw dropped and I looked at her like, yeah, can we keep that energy? So, you know, it's been this great thing where they've had, um, their friends come to them and you know they get to see that they're um connected, um, you know it's. It's one thing, they're close to me, I'm their dad, but it's another thing when other people say, hey, um, this was great, we were impacted, um, you were in the car with me.
Speaker 1:So Joshua came to the event. Um, so did, uh, my friend Reggie Brown. He came to the event as well and showed up and supported. And my son sends me this text, caleb. He says, um, I'm proud to be your son and I lost it. Josh knows I was there. I lost it because, especially as a non-custodial dad, all you want is to know that you're moving the needle in the right direction and that you're making an impact on your kids because there's so much other noise going on.
Speaker 1:But anyway, it was a powerful event and today what we wanted to do was just a share, share this escape plan, because we know that everybody in our take it off podcast community is looking to move from where they are to where they want to be, and that comes with some heaviness and, um, just so you know, everybody's trying to escape something, to move towards what they want, and it does not disqualify you, um, from being the hero for yourself or the hero in someone else's life, and uh, so that's that's what we're doing today, that's what we are, that's what we're on. And so you know, if the high level, the four elements of the escape plan and I and Joshua will take turns moving through it is a first thing, you have to embrace fear. Second, decide what you want. Third, find your community. And three, you got to sacrifice something.
Speaker 1:So, with that said, joshua, why don't you go over and brace fear? Cause you've done a lot of that. I mean you when I think about you and embracing fear, and I think about some of the things that I don't want to take your thunder, but I just want you to know that I've been watching for a long time. Um, I watched you navigate the university of Washington and find your community, which, for a lot of people, especially people of color, can be very, very tough. Um, we talk about this all the time.
Speaker 1:But leaving a really, really, really well paying job to move towards your coaching career, um all while having a family. It's one thing to move in a different direction when you're not established and there aren't people depending on you. It's another thing when you just do that. Um, I've just watched you make so many decisions to move away from, whether it's contracts that don't serve you, um, whether it is redesigning your community to make it fit in all of those new things take. You know you have to embrace fear. So I feel like you're an expert on embracing fear and still moving through it. Uh, so, with that said, if you could talk about that, we uh the audience could really, you know, glean from your experience. I just want them to know you're not just talking about it, you're a guy who does it.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, okay, well, thank you, thank you. Thank you, um, embracing fear, uh is I think the examples you even raised are uh, very much a part of, uh, obviously, what it means to be human, and there I don't think there's anything that I do um where there's not an element of fear, and I've always talked about, even in my coaching journey um, there is this dance between faith and fear, and we're not only embracing it, it's a part of the community. Right, fear is always there to help protect you, to keep you safe, but oftentimes fear is an illusion. And again, it is so easy to say this in the warm home, speaking on a microphone, on a podcast, Absolutely, but when real life shows up, it'll show you what's unhealed, what's in you that you have, limiting beliefs around, judgments about assumptions, interpretations, all in ways to help keep you from not acting. And I have found and I encourage my clients to do this all the time we set small goals and we do the small things in the midst of this big, overwhelming thing to find our freedom while navigating fear.
Speaker 2:There is no way to get self-esteem, confidence, without addressing your fears directly and, trust me, especially the way 2023 ended, there was a lot of faith and fear. There's a lot of negative thoughts to confront, especially as you add your age. You add oh I wish I thought it was going to be this disappointment, expectations. You start just piling it on yourself. Next thing you look up, you're not moving towards anything, because you're so overwhelmed by what's in front of you that you find other people's stories to get attached to. You find other ways to get that dopamine hit or that you know ways to hack away from doing the hard thing for yourself. And we know and we've talked about this on our podcast quite a bit the only way you can get through something is to go through it, and you're not going to have all the information available to you until you actually do the thing that you have been avoiding, that's keeping you from being the victor in that area, or gaining the confidence and wisdom that comes from acting versus just sitting on the sidelines and watching, and both are relevant.
Speaker 2:I'm not telling you to just immediately move through fear without any knowledge, but, when it's all said and done, after you can talk to your therapist, after you can talk to your coach, after you'd have been in school, after you'd have made your money or whatever you're doing to find more of who you are. The rest of who you are is on the opposite side, and you say this all the time. Your freedom is on the opposite side of a very challenging or difficult conversation. Yeah, yeah, freedom is on the other side of a tough decision. Yeah, and so 2024 really should represent where are the places in my life that are fearful?
Speaker 2:And not that you need to act immediately, but you need to acknowledge right, see what's coming up for you when you're in these spaces, in these situations, understand it, and then it's about facing it and seeking the right support team to move through that, and I do that for a lot of clients.
Speaker 2:You know life is so busy and it can come across as people do not care or not interested in your fears or on who you are, what you're trying to navigate. But sometimes it's worth investing in people that can support you to help you challenge the fears, set small goals in the midst of your fears and visualize who you are on the opposite side and use that as your North Star to continue to move through whatever it is that you are seeking the support for. So, anyway, I said a lot there, but no, that is necessary, no matter what your journey is, you will have to embrace fear. I'm talking about hugging your fear Absolutely. You might even give your fear a little kiss on the cheek Right, who knows, if the night goes on well enough, you all, you will fear might be.
Speaker 1:So done with you In light of the topic you know, just high level, of course. You know Dr King was dealing with a ton of fear. Absolutely. It was not just connect. I want people to understand this that like we get the high level story, but like, if you get, if you get below it, right, If you get into some of the details, this is a guy who is he's being threatened, His family is being threatened. I'm sure he had tons of people in his ear that said this is a status quo, bro, like like fam, sit down, like, sit down. Like there was somebody telling him to sit down in an effort to protect him. And I get that right, but he's like, well, no, like this, the fear comes with it. The consequences are, will be there. You know, who knows what they're going to be, because I haven't seen them yet, but yeah, they're probably there.
Speaker 1:But I'm still moving towards this and I think one of the things that comes up for me around this embrace fear part and then we'll move to the next, next topic because it's the only thing that I feel I can motivate you in this tough area is that you got to be willing to be the villain, like we talked about in somebody's story, because, at the end of the day, not everybody's going to understand what it is that you're trying to move towards, and what I found is that a lot of the fear is of how you're going to be perceived, or maybe who you're going to disappoint if what you're choosing to do doesn't work out, because you literally are going to have to transform into something else, and that makes people uncomfortable. So part of the fear could be your connection to how what you need to do is going to impact people that you care about, and I just want to say that they can have their opinion and that's okay, but at the end of the day, they're, you know, 30 years from now. It's not going to be their job or their responsibility for where you're at or what you did or did not accomplish. That is going to be on you, and it's interesting how, when you talk to people after the fact about man, you maybe feel, oh, I didn't mean that, I didn't mean. Oh, yeah, you did, but at the end of the day, it is your job. One of the things that really not can help you move through fear, but is your North Star, is decide what you want, and we understand that.
Speaker 1:You know Dr King wanted a time or space where we would all have access to the same opportunities equal rights, equal education. You know he had a dream and I think it's important to get back to that. I know there are a lot of people out there that I'll take myself. For example, when before me and Josh have been, you know, rolling with each other for a couple of years, tough before I moved into his coaching practice, so he gave me some opportunities at the company that he was with. We had, we had somewhat of a rhythm going back and forth, just lifting each other up, helping each other, and actually it was more casual than it is now and I was high performing in a lot of areas, but these areas weren't necessarily what I wanted, and so what I found out, what I found is through in working with Josh, is you can actually produce some really high results, like some really tangible things, and still feel like crap on the inside Because those things aren't necessarily what you want, because our skills are transferable.
Speaker 1:So what makes you great in one area, even if it's not for you, can be the same skills that make you great in another area that you actually want, and a lot of times we stay tied to something because of the comfort, of the security that it provides, and so when we talk about decide what you want, like simply, it was like man, I actually really want to get my health in check. Like I want to be the sexiest I've ever been right which is still possible and I want to develop stories and movies and series that you know go to streaming platforms. And as soon as that was cleared up, it was like wait, this is cleared up. Now I can find my community, get my March in Orders, do what I needed to do, but until I decided what it was that I want, spoke it out loud, wrote it down, made sure I had a focus what's my mission?
Speaker 1:You can do a lot of busy stuff, a lot of busy work, a lot of activity, and never move towards actually being effective in the space you want to be effective in. As a matter of fact, when you move towards what you want, when you don't move towards what you want, the interesting part is that you've got all of this energy towards things that typically serve others and there's a space for that, but it shouldn't be the entire space. Like you can't serve yourself until you know what you want. And so that, like I said, josh, that was something that came out of our first few coaching sessions. And now I go back and forth between, if I'm being honest, back and forth between doing activities that move towards that and not. But at least I know where the north star is, at least I know where I need to go, if that makes any sense.
Speaker 2:Now it makes a ton of sense. Makes a ton of sense. What comes up for you. As you were talking, I was wondering when you think about deciding what you want, how do you do that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so part of it, for me at least, and I don't know if this is going to hit for everybody, but it's unlearning all of the things that said you can't have what you want. So, from a kid, there were things that I knew I wanted. And then people lift you up until you get to a certain age or you make a certain mistake, or you show them that may, hey, this is not the safest route, and then, to me, reality starts to beat your dream down. So, hey, move towards this area. I feel like this will be a better fit for you, or do this or do that, because what you want sometimes isn't tied to the interest of the people around you, if that makes any sense. Like, I want this, but that means my time with you, my resources that you have access to. You know my space, my capacity is going to be diminished, and maybe what the group or the community wants, because I'm moving away from this ecosystem that I was in and to developing an ecosystem that is going to require something new, and I think that that scares a lot of people.
Speaker 1:And so for me it was like, well, no, I know what I want, but I just got my ass kicked a lot and somehow it's still inside me, it's still gnaws at me, and I think that that's one of the things If you move towards something different, if time is continuing to go on and that little voice inside you is still gnawing at you like, hey, this is something we're supposed to do, this is something you want to do. Make space for it. It's there, but it's fighting all of the thoughts from the experiences that say this isn't the safest route or this isn't for you. And so when those thoughts come in like, wait, you already have a great job, what are you doing? You got bills to pay. What are you doing? You have family depending on you and it needs to look a certain way.
Speaker 1:What are you doing? It's shutting those down and saying, wait, I'm designed to do this, but I need an update, and that update is going to take some time. That update means that maybe I got to pause on something. That updates going to be inconvenient. But on the other side of that is more energy, is more community, is more moving towards. What I want is the ability to actually embrace the fear, because what I want is more valuable than and gets me to a space where the fear is just whatever, is just a part of it, because this is what I'm telling me this.
Speaker 2:Tell me this, why sage?
Speaker 1:No, I hate you. Tell me this yeah.
Speaker 2:Let's, let's say we'll assume for this conversation Uh oh, I'm accessing the soon, uh oh, from our, from our jail framework Mm.
Speaker 2:Hmm Well, let's assume that many people are where they are.
Speaker 2:Yes, because they are financially dependent upon a certain way to behave. Yes, and I'm not saying that there's their millionaires or thousandaires or their billionaires. I'm just saying the way life is showing up for them, the way they make their money, is tied to not embracing fear totally or maybe using fear to help keep them where they are and what they're getting out of, whatever situation they're in. So it's very difficult for them to decide what they really want because that will come at the expense of a cost to something that they're benefiting from in their life. So they don't move towards what they want. They spend more time figuring out how to maintain what they have, and what they have is from shrinking living a little ambiguity, maybe wanting something and not going after it completely, because that might interrupt how they're, whatever their ecosystem is developed to be, to support where they are. So the question under all that is how do you help people make a decision that's not tied to their current situation that they're benefiting from but might not necessarily be?
Speaker 1:ideal. That's a fantastic question. Can I tell that question in story form? Please Answer it in story form.
Speaker 1:We love watching some of the greatest movies that we love watching. Right is where people have to make a sacrifice, right. So think about it like when I think about Pursuit of Happiness. And my man, will Smith, did a great job of acting as Mr Gardner and we're looking at him and his child sleeping in bathrooms and literally ladies of the night lending the money, like the process of him getting to be in that industry, in that financial services industry, what he had to give up. We sit there in awe right Now. I know he could have went and got a minimum wage. The dude was a genius. I know he could have went and got an entry level or minimum wage job somewhere. There was another option.
Speaker 1:When you look at Rocky, when you look at all of these movies that require sacrifice, we intuitively know that a sacrifice of lifestyle comes with getting to where you got to go. We intuitively know that to the point where it brings us to tears by the time that the movie. They roll the credits and we tell these stories oh, he did this. Tyler Perry was in his car while he was developing his plays and then he's, you know, going from shop to shop talking about hey, do you want to put groups together, watch parties? And then it took him moving towards what he want, to finally find someone who could come in and promote what he was doing because they believed him, because he believed in himself and see what ends up happening is that we get so far down the line with our own personalized and things that we establish that then the question becomes what's actually important?
Speaker 1:You said something at the beginning of the podcast the only way is through, and so there's no clean answer to this is going to make you feel good. You're going to have to leave what you have to get what you want. It's that simple and it's that hard. So I don't want to make that look pretty, because it's not, and we know it intuitively and we admire it. But the question becomes and we'll get to that Are you going to give it up something now? Cause I know for a fact, joshua, did you make the same money that you made your first year in coaching as you did when you left corporate America? And I'm not going to put the numbers out there, but answer the question no, no, that could come with a lot of smoke.
Speaker 1:And so my thing is and where I've gotten to is stop trying to make it so clean, stop trying to have the truck, stop trying to control the transition. That's not the point. The point is, if it's important to have it, go get it. Do what's necessary. It's going to be hard, but guess what, you live with a lot less, joshua, I know you didn't grow up in the house that you live in. I know you didn't have access to the car you drive. I know that you can get point to eight to be in a lot of things, and then that comes back to fear. What are they going to think? How does it look? So for me it's saying what you want has to be bigger than today's comfort and people's opinions, and when you get to that space you become a very dangerous person. I mean, that's just my opinion.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, you're touching on something that's very, very powerful, and it reminds me even of how you begin the conversation with Dr King. Life was messy. Yes, he was a gifted intellect and also dealt with mental health issues, but that didn't take away from the other parts of who he was.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, graduated from college by the time he was 2018, I think it was Got his PhD by 26. He was, he found his mission and got ushered into this spotlight because he was devoted to a cause. He wasn't devoted to all the causes, nope, he wasn't devoted. He wasn't, uh, you know, looking to find how can I be the most comfortable in this cause that I'm dedicated to. But he was a human like anyone else. He found something. If a man is not fit to live, he hasn't quite found what he's willing to die for.
Speaker 2:I might have butchered that quote, but essentially, you need to find the thing you need, to find the thing in your life that means so much to you that you're willing to give your life for it. And what I would encourage people to do is to find the very thing in your life that you that's been calling you, that's been on at you, and it might just be a small step in a direction, and you find all the reasons on why you can't do something like not right now, because I got to get this right and that right, but what you're really what that tension is. How can I remain comfortable just one more day?
Speaker 1:Yep, yep. How can I remain comfortable moving towards it? You can't.
Speaker 2:I want to do it. I want to do it. Let me hire some people, let me talk to some people, let me let me find my, my community. I think that's the next point. I want to be on your community. But sometimes, all that talking and all that recruitment of support, and let me tell you an idea that I have. Well, you're waiting for somebody to be so inspired by what you have to say that they're just willing to put a seed offering on your on your account for you to do the work for you, and I'm not even knocking that strategy Right.
Speaker 2:And I think about DJ Khaled, who I mean. This guy recruits everybody for his albums. Every time he's not doing one, he ain't right. He's saying we another one, we the best, we the best, right On all the, all the ad libs and drops. But man, if you listen to this guy's story, even even some of the artists be like bro, I'm going to lay the track. He's like hey, are the Drake vocals in? Hey Drake, you still got me. I know that, right, but he's a pest about what he wants.
Speaker 2:I'm not the rapper, but I'm going to go recruit the help and be annoying AF to go get what I need for what I need for my project and I'm going to work, I'm going to get the beats in the studio, I'm going to create the environment for the wind. Yeah, and some of us won't even do that. I don't want, I don't, I don't, I don't want to be annoying. I know you said you were going to support me, boss, but I'm not going to talk about him. I want, I want anymore, because you're probably going to make me feel like bad about asking I don't want. I don't want you not to like me, so I'll just suffer in silence and not ask for what I want and sit in a marriage that does not fulfill me, sit in these friendships that I'm not getting in support, go to work and I'm not making the money I want, even though I do quality work, and I'm just waiting for them to look at me and say, oh, my God, what a wonderful employee.
Speaker 2:So in all these spaces in my life, I will remain small, not to make an impact. So how can I really decide what I want? Because I'm too afraid to even go, ask for it and move toward right. And so that's why you need community. I need to call the motherfucker, like Jeremy Rubin, and pick up the phone for him to remind me. Wait a minute, king, I'm sensing a little fear. Right, right. You gotta have those people in your life that hold up the mirror in a plain fashion for you to look at the thing that you're truly avoiding, because you fear making progress towards something. Because who knows Right and who knows Free you.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and without a dog in the fight. Like like I, we need to talk. That's the bar.
Speaker 2:That's the bar we talk about a plain mirror.
Speaker 1:I'm saying someone who said ask what do you want and how can I support? Yeah, not well, what do you want? Oh, wait, wait, that's, that's scary. Wait a minute. Okay, you should consider this, consider that, consider that.
Speaker 2:Well, that doesn't. That doesn't work for me in the box that I have you in, right, I'm not saying that's another item Right, right, please, like, can this be multiple choice?
Speaker 1:Like, can we, can we, can we, right? So you need someone who does not have a dog in the fight and the moment there's a conflict of interest, understand that you can still have that great relationship, but maybe it can't be impactful in this area. You know another thing that you said that you were you were talking about when deciding what you want is understand like I posted this a couple of years ago that there's a thin line between comfort and regret. So I just want you to know, when you hear me when I say this, that if you choose comfort, that is your choice and that's cool, but it could be a recipe for regret later on.
Speaker 1:And while you have the energy, while you have the time to rebound, why in a lobby? Oh, that's easy to say, it's easy to say no or yes, it is easy to say. It's very rough to do, and I believe the people that do it and have the courage to go through that process transform into something that's a whole, nother thing. And so what we're really talking about when we talk about deciding what you want is that every day, that your life is either happening by design or by default. And so if you stay comfortable, it is a life by default, unless the comfort is what you want. But if there's something that you actually want, it's going to cost something and there's just no getting around it.
Speaker 1:And when you accept that, that can bring you peace, because then you can say to yourself, as you're looking at the data am I willing to pay the cost for what I want or no? And either way I'm going to eat the consequences on either side. If you could just even get to that point, I believe that you're farther along than 95 percent of the individuals on the earth. Am I willing to pay the cost to move towards what I want? And if not, am I willing to accept the costs for not moving? Because both of them come with pain, both of them come with costs. You got to decide which one you want to pay and you're going to pay it by design or by default. That's the bar right there Sit, yeah, joshua. Why don't you move us on a point three before we start preaching? Because the pope is on fire right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, yeah, we'll find your community. You know, being a part of this escape plan, there's not one thing mentioned here that does not require action. No, the community is not going to just find you. No, hey, hey. It's not going to just fall off the sky for you to have this illuminating. Oh, I know exactly what I want.
Speaker 1:Wait, can I just pause for one second? Yeah, yeah, the whole is not going to find you, because I know I'm going to forget. I think a lot of people think that the community is just going to find them because of what they want. But in most cases you haven't even embraced what you wanted, so you're hiding in plain sight. So the community would even know that you're a part of their community if they were looking at you in the face. Just something that just came from me In my spirit, yeah, so now I'm going to get it back to you.
Speaker 2:And there's reasons why we don't want to be found For sure, right, and there is a comfort in the ambiguity of not knowing what you want. I'll just help somebody else. I'll get attached to somebody else as a dream. I'll just jump on that bandwagon, on their bandwagon. Yes, and people do this all day long. There's people in powerful positions that still don't really know what they want. They just know they love helping and supporting other people because it makes their journey feel they feel better about themselves when they do that, and it can also mean I'm not going to get supported the way I support others. You've seen that on social media where, oh man, I just wish, I just I just wish I met a me. I just I just wish people people love like I love, yes.
Speaker 2:Well, what you're saying is that you're for some reason, god gave you all this love and you're the only person that knows how to do it for other people. But what's not being is what's not being said is there's not an advocacy for what you want, there's not an advocacy for supporting your boundaries in spaces where people do not support you. But that's how you find your community. Just because you're helping someone else live their dream out, oh, that is not automatically mean that now they come with an overwhelming amount of support to help you live your dreams Right. That whole he just you know, on the dating front, he just you know my love is just do it. I just want you just to just read your mind. You just said no, you just know. No, because I'm, because I'm sleeping with you. Yeah, that come on.
Speaker 2:Now this, that doesn't even make sense, because even in the midst of however your romantic relationship is, are you really even getting what you want?
Speaker 2:While this individual's sleeping with you, are you advocating for your own needs in the bedroom? See, this is a lifestyle, and finding your community is moving into spaces, but speaking up about what it is that you want and watching people align or be removed, because you're a constant advocate about what you want, and they could be your relative, they could be your significant note, they could be all these relationships in your life. But as you keep moving and emerging, you're going to impact the people in your life that you love. That may adjust the relationship. Your community should constantly be evolving. You need to have people in your life that are older than you. You need to have people in your life that are younger than you to remind you of you know that that, that that childlike outlook on life, to remind you that, yeah, everything doesn't need to be figured out, and then also learning from the wisdom of other people. But really, your community on your journey will emerge the more authentic you can be about who you are out loud.
Speaker 1:Talk to me, King. You know you said something. I'm going to go back because people, people, yeah, I'm going to hit reverse because it was so good. I wanted to stop you, but I knew you. I'm been stopping you a lot. I didn't want to let you get through your thought, but I don't want to forget what I was saying, because you said something great. You were talking about when you do something for others, yeah, and then in your mind that now becomes the standard Right, Like that, because I did, you should. You're supposed to be this unspoken rule. Yeah, Most people aren't going to want to hear this, because manipulation is the finest.
Speaker 1:It's manipulation. We need to be better and this is part of the problem with our community is, as you move towards what you want, you need community right. There's a lot of people that you're messing with right now that are really not on where you're trying to move and cannot offer you anything in that space. And I'm not saying throw those people away, but just understand it. So when you're supporting them fully on something that they're doing in it with an expectation that they're going to support you fully, you are manipulating the situation. If anything, you should clearly communicate what it is you want how they can help you and ask if they're down, because guess what If they can't, instead of wasting your time trying to serve without boundaries so you can get an outcome, you can move that energy into another space.
Speaker 1:Manipulation is part of being a human being. I'm not even judging it, but I'm saying that energy to give so that you can receive in the long run because that's really what's going on. Even though we don't like that, we don't want to hear that but to give so that you can receive. Find the people that are moving towards it so that when you give, you're going to naturally receive and move the ball forward because you're all moving towards the thing. Be honest about what you want. You know what.
Speaker 2:See, this is now you're really hitting on something, and what came up for me was my kids Me too. A part of the reason why I take care of my kids is so they're going to take care of me.
Speaker 1:See, listen to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, listen to me, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean it is. There is definitely an element of manipulation. Let me keep showing. Let me Okay, it's important for me to spend time with my kids. Okay, I'm going to spend time with my kids, right. But this, this ongoing building of planning emotional deposits so they see me in a certain way is so that one day, when they're fully aware and they're their adults and they're sovereign beings like they are now and they're just, they're just older, they'll look at dad and say, let me wipe dad's mouth. His motor skills ain't working like they used to. I remember when he used to wipe my mouth, right.
Speaker 2:And we, we, we just think that this is and I'm not knocking any parents out there, that not. This is about like how I think in my head. There are times where I'm like, oh, one day I'm not going to be able to do, my kids are here, I'm going to be relying on them to do for me when I can't do for myself. Let me treat them right, because I'm going to get something out of that relationship later that I'm not going to get now, and this could be the kids. This could be how you show up at work. This could be how you navigate your relationship with your spouse or your friends or whatever. But sometimes, if I could just keep it real, we're we're doing things to get something out of it that's going to serve us at a later date, and I don't know if I can be that honest. But you know, no, no, no, you can.
Speaker 1:Okay, later date.
Speaker 1:I'm talking about in real time and real talk to me about the real time, because there's sometimes where I'm seeing and I actually spoke to my kids about this the other night I'm like, yeah, I'm going to adjust some things, because what I realize is in a lot of, a lot of parents in general but a lot of divorced parents will hear me on this where you see something where you're like I need to correct this. But if I correct this, one of the fears is is that my kids may not like me as much Yep, Whether it's the other parent, or just as much Yep.
Speaker 1:So maybe I'm going to maybe I'm not going to not force or not give as much energy in this area in an effort to be accepted, in an effort to be loved. And guess what? That's my wound. That's not them. This is my wound, and I was. I was honest with them. Hey, yeah, dad still got some work to do, and guess what? Dad's going to be working his entire life. I'm not going to do what a lot of parents do and I'm not judging it, but I'm just saying it's a thing where it's like this is just grown folks business, because to me, if I'm not honest with you about where I'm at, when you get to the same space, you'll think dad never went through that, mom never went through that, so how?
Speaker 2:am I going through that?
Speaker 1:when I share the same DNA. No, I'm going through it, son, and I'm sitting here juggling between if you're going to like me and what I need to do as a dad. Well, I'm done with that. I'm just going to do what I need to do as a dad and know that I've laid enough foundation that, when, whatever time comes, you know who I am. And that's got to be enough. But this real time, I'm changing the way that I parent. I'm changing what I do to create this narrative or story. It is and I hate even saying it, but it's manipulation. It is absolutely, and so I had to get to a space where I'm like OK, I wasn't intentionally doing that, actually, wait, I was. I just don't like the language attached.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Anytime. So I'm not going to do it, I'm just show up Yep, yeah, now you're right.
Speaker 2:Anytime you hear statements like after all I've done, I can't believe you would Right. How could you do this to me after I have done this, this and that, yep, again. That's only said when you're doing something that you feel a little bit resentful. I don't really want to do this, but I'm going to do this because I'm going to get something out of it that's going to suit a larger need of mine.
Speaker 1:Wait a minute, now go back. Now go back, because we're about to, we're about to really that we're in, we're we're tapping into a source and you didn't want to be at that job anyway.
Speaker 1:Oh no, not at all, I'm here because this isn't even what you want to do and you have a choice to do something else and instead of just embracing that, it's well, I'm doing it for y'all and y'all ain't doing this for me. Yep, why are you attaching them to a decision? Right, I don't work 12 hours a day. You don't have to work 12 hours. You decide it to Now because you come home and you're frustrated by the main thing you want to take it out on. It's one like keep it in the box. They didn't do the dishes. Why are you connecting the frustration of them not doing the dishes to the ultimate frustration of you not moving towards what you want?
Speaker 2:Because it's way more difficult to lock in on what you want and move towards it, Like, just, it's that simple and it's that difficult. Yep, it's 2024, New Year's resolutions emerge. I want to lose weight. We just use a simple example. Like I want to lose weight. Okay, For you to get to the facility where weight loss can be maximized, like a gym, the simple thing is to carve that time out in your day and be there. Oh, when that time comes and you're not committed to the process yet, you'll find other places to go, other stories to be attached to, where you could be the hero. You know what guys? I'm not going to go buy you guys with your favorite meal tonight. Go out with on this.
Speaker 1:Let's hit pizza. We ain't had family time in a minute.
Speaker 2:Right now. But see, these are the things when you decide what you want, because who are you going to be when you're in your fittest body you've ever had in your entire life? A whole demon, oh no, you access the body you want Physically. I'm going to keep this really vain and shallow right now, but just start walking around in a body that's 20, 30, 40 pounds less than where you are, or maybe just a little bit closer to the ideal body image that you want. I guarantee you deciding what you want, finding your community and sacrificing something. Well, you have a story where sacrifice had to be involved to carve out time for you to find your community, to be activated and amplified in the space that's going to maximize the very thing that you say you want. So you can limit the fear that comes with not moving in towards any direction. But when you do something really hard for yourself, you'll look for other opportunities to do more things that are really hard for yourself and sometimes and oftentimes, that person, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Can I add a strategy?
Speaker 2:Your community is not going to be able to tolerate you.
Speaker 1:No, not at all. Can I add a strategy? What's that? I haven't even talked to you about this yet, and so some folks don't know, but got into an accident, had a head injury. One of the things they talked about doing was hey, you need to stay out of the gym for the pressure on your brain. Now, that was three weeks, four weeks, I was talking about what you called it.
Speaker 1:No, I stayed out. And then I'm telling myself a story. I'm like man, I'm still not feeling well, Let me do what's best for me. And so, anyway, I went down. I got sub 300. I was at now understand that when I started my journey, my highest. I was at 372. I got down to 297 at the beginning this year with the goal of getting to about 235, 240. And then in this, the four months I took off the gym, blew up to close to 340. And then I'm down to about right now, probably about 319.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm removing the scale and I don't care how anybody feels about this, but I'm just removing the scale from my health and wellness routine. Because here's what I realized when I get on the scale, it either gives me a false sense of success or a false sense, or it tells me you have no value based on the number. This is what I realized. For me, it is more about the activity, the consistent activity that I need to do, and I, until I have that consistent activity, that's a habit. When I've gotten great shape, I stopped getting on the scale.
Speaker 1:I was just worried about the process, just worried about doing it. And so some people are going to say well, no, you need a place to measure. Well, yeah, when I go to my doctor's appointments they'll tell me maybe at the end of the year I'll do it. But what I need to be focused on is not the number, because the number is going to either make me feel good or feel worse about what's going on, and that's actually not what it is. What I need to be focused on is the process, and I don't need a distraction. So for me and it may not work for anybody else but I decided I'm just going to remove the scale from the process I'm going to get with the professionals I already have. I got my meal plan. I've been known how to do this. It's not that, but it's just about showing up consistently, and so for me.
Speaker 1:I'm just taking that out, yeah, and I'm going to track your workouts. Right, yes.
Speaker 2:Can you surround other data? That isn't on the scale, but we do know if you keep showing up more times than not yes, You're going to see results. So whether you measure the actual results on your body today, tomorrow or three months from now, you're getting in the habit of tracking how often you're showing up like any job, right, they're going to track the productivity of your employees.
Speaker 1:Are you late? Have you done this all?
Speaker 2:the time. Right, did you leave early? Yeah, getting ready to set up time for you to go on vacation. All this is tracking data so they can assess the vibrancy and the health of their organization. Because without that data, well how do we know we can do more? Right? Right, where is our productivity based on how often people are working? And that same mindset applies to us, that same strategy would apply to us. Well, I'm not going to be able to maximize my weight loss in the way that I could if I'm not getting to the gym, and there's a whole host of other benefits about getting to the gym. But you're 100% right, we'll find when we don't want to do it. In a moment, we'll find reasons why we don't want to do it, and some of those reasons be noble.
Speaker 1:But you know, yeah, man. I had to go. I got to go help some stuff man.
Speaker 2:To the family member out there that has prioritized making family dinner every night because that I was supposed to go to the gym in the evening when I got to work, but then I got to make dinner. No see, these are decisions. Your kids are 15 years old. They don't even cook at any.
Speaker 1:Yep, he talking to me. Y'all you know who he talking to. He talking to me.
Speaker 2:I think about my oldest, charlie. Charlie, you're about to be 11. You can add water to the oatmeal and put it in the microwave. Let me show you how to do that, Because what you're doing is you're starting to create an environment for you to emerge, so you need to be able to sit back and calculate where are the spaces that I'm needed, that I might need to scale a skill set in my community so they can take some of this responsibility because they're able to hold it now. Then let me take that time and repurpose it in a space around something I really want to discover and investigate. But again and we talk about this too if you're an entrepreneur, you're not going to be able to scale your business with you doing everything, and I'm learning that. So, if you're doing everything, how can you do the important thing that's for you which is why you started the business anyway, which was to have freedom to live life more in alignment, where your interests are what you want to do, to rest and relax, because you got your ecosystem set up to support what it is that you want to experience. And that goes for the same thing in our homes. What are our kids doing? What are your significant or whoever in the house? How can they contribute to help offset what it is that is getting in the way of you living out your purpose and your dream?
Speaker 2:Martin Luther King had to travel. Peretta had to hold it down. It's that simple. While he's going through his mental health issues and anxiety and depression and other things going on on the side, he had to find how he was going to survive in the midst of a radical movement to transform this country. He did not know that at the time. While Coretta's at home for another night alone, while he's on the road. We did not know this at the time. All he had was this irresponsible hope to see something come to pass that he believed was an injustice for everyone else, including his people, his own people, black people that he felt so committed to that he was willing to give his life for it.
Speaker 1:And he was human the entire time. Talk about it he was human the entire time. And so, as I transition to the next thing, sacrifice something. I just want to remind you that because, as you were moving through, sometimes we don't want to take, we don't want to take away or give responsibility to others, because that's a part of the ecosystem of keeping us comfortable. I have value maintaining control, I have control here. I have value here, but the moment I release that now I can't know who am I now?
Speaker 1:Who am I now? Who am I? Who am I? And I'm the person that ain't moving towards what they want. You got to sacrifice something is the last point. Yeah, absolutely. And I'll just say this we get accustomed to a lot of things and we spend a lot of time controlling the narrative around what people say. But about us, think about us. In the last two years I realized three years, actually. No, let me keep it real For a while I'm realizing that, regardless of what you do and how you do it, you cannot control the narrative or the story around people and how they see you, because everybody's just going to give their portion and, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:The bigger thing is what do you want and what do you have to give up to get there? And for some of us is downsizing homes. For some of us it's hey, you used to a $900 lease, yeah, you may just need to buy a $5,000 car cash and just roll it and not care what people think, for sometimes it's just moving money, Like I like. It's so funny. I was looking at this writer's class and this was about a year ago and the writer's class was like 1500 bucks. I'm like man, that's a lot of money. No, no, no, no, no. But then I think about it, fam, I will blow through 1500 bucks like it's water, but let it be about helping someone else or let it be about you know, it just needs to be the right environment and 1500 is blown in this little thing and that little thing and this other little thing.
Speaker 1:So how do we make? Because when you know what you want, you know you also have to appraise what are the things that are getting in the way. If you want, you have to appraise your time. A lot of people say I don't have enough time. Really, because you just talked to me about binging the last season of Black Mirror on Netflix. We have enough time. Are we accounting for what we have and how we're using it?
Speaker 1:So sometimes it just means getting organized right and you'd be surprised at how much money and time you have when you have a team of people saying you know, again, identify your community. This is what I want. Okay, you want that. Okay. These are the areas that you need to sacrifice. What is your time budget? What is your financial budget Right? Where is the social capital? Come in. Sometimes it means sacrifice and relationship. There's some people you cannot get into the mud with anymore. There's some people that are going to remind you of a version of yourself, or try to shackle you to a version of yourself that will not work for this mission, and so it's looking at.
Speaker 2:Oh, and you talk to that person probably a few times a week, if not every day. They constantly remind you that you're oh, that's too much. You don't need to do that, because it is very difficult for people in your life that love you to allow you to leave.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Let me say that again the people that love you do not want you to leave, because what they love about you is the idea of who you are, right where they want you to be.
Speaker 2:It is so important when you're supporting people in your life that want to be more or they want to go and do more. That might require an adjustment to your relationship, that might require an evolution of your relationship, but are they holding you or are they holding on to you? You know the difference and sometimes that's sunsetting relationships family members, people that have played an instrumental role in your life to a certain point. But what's required for you is going to require a different community, and some people make a decision. Well, I'm not ready to let go of the community that has told me in my box, so I'll just stay put and walk around with resentment about what I want to do. But if I do what, I'm going to disappoint these other people in my life. And then some people make radical decisions to continue to evolve and emerge, at the risk of everything, but at the hope of getting all of it, because you get to have what you want if you decide to move in that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Doesn't mean you're going to get it. See, that's the thing. Either it does not mean you're going to get everything, because you don't need everything. You're not for everyone, but it's the mindset of the pursuit to go after what it is that you want to experience until you can't experience anything anymore. And then what's your story? The wish, the shoulds, the could'ves right, and so your escape plan has to be a plan anchored in your authenticity, or you're going to be spending a lifetime trying to stay in prison because you want to stay small for people that want to keep you right where you are, because it makes them more comfortable. That's not the escape plan. That's not what we're promoting.
Speaker 1:And just so you know, every hero, which is every human, is dealing with this right now. I don't care what it looks like, I don't care what they project. He's dealing with this right now. And I want to tell you something If you can give your whoever you call your people, the greatest gift that you could give them is the best version of yourself. And at the end of the day, you want to deposit something in your kids. Show them what it takes to live without fear more of the time and move toward what you want. Pay the cost, sacrifice it. Show them that fear is okay. Let them watch you decide what you want and work through it. Show them how to find community, because they're going to need community outside of you.
Speaker 1:I'm been out to you, mom and dad can't be everything, you're not and show them what sacrifice looks like, and sometimes they're going to feel it. But guess what? In most cases, when you're sacrificing something, if you're connected to a community, they're going to feel it and that's all okay. We admire it when it comes to stories, and then we elevate these people as our heroes. But we have the same opportunity to do the same damn thing, absolutely. So I honor our Luther King for what he's done Amazing man, amazing person and human. And what I'm saying to you is your story is going to unfold too. Ask Georgia Davis, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, google that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it there. King as usual, no pun intended. King as usual, it's a pleasure. I'm happy that we're getting back into a rhythm. I've enjoyed this last year immensely. I'm gonna see my King in my company and I can't wait to see what we're going to do for 2024.
Speaker 2:Hey, so download, listen, share, join our social media platforms, tell us what you want to hear. It's a new year, Happy new year. Happy New Year. So all the royalty that listens to the Take it Off podcast, C Love Grow will highlight you next week with a new episode. And hey, here's the road to 100 episodes, my guy.
Speaker 1:We should do it.
Speaker 2:We should do it, we don't do it this year Absolutely All right. Ouch.
