Take it off! See. Love. Grow.
An unfulfilled life has less to do with what it is - and more with how you see it. Your fulfillment is often on the other side of a tough decision or conversation. It is in the resolving of conflict and the releasing of self-judgment that we grow the most. So, if you feel stuck in your career, relationships, or how you think about yourself, it’s time to “TAKE IT OFF” and show up as your authentic self. Joshua A. Fields and Jeremy Rubin co-host the “Take it Off” Podcast. As a master practitioner of the Energy Leadership Index with 15 years of executive leadership experience at a Fortune 10 company, Certified Executive Coach Joshua Fields has a proven track record of creating high-performing teams and environments for personal transformation. Renowned author, speaker, and founder of FACE Consulting, Jeremy Rubin, immediately impacts groups large and small using humor, personal stories, and practical, result-driven applications. These two have brought unique life experiences, skill sets, and energy to create an experience like no other. The mission is simple but not easy. It is to empower people with the skills to see and accept themselves and others clearly and without judgment to live a more authentic life. So, if you’re ready to live with purpose and curiosity and to get clear on what you want for your life, join us weekly at the “Take it Off” Podcast. Some concepts are based on and inspired by the coach training program Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC).
Take it off! See. Love. Grow.
Your Kids! Are you Spending Enough Time With Them?
Have you ever been caught in the whirlwind of trying to be the consummate professional while striving to be the world's best parent? You're not alone. Joshua Fields and Jeremy Rubin get real about the endless juggle and the all-too-familiar parental guilt that taunts us amidst our laughs about song covers and the legal quirks of podcast fame. Our candid chat traverses the trials of threading meaningful moments with our kids into the tapestry of our busy lives, and we question whether the parenting bar is set impossibly high.
As the fathers’ chorus grows, we discuss how fleeting moments of undivided attention might be the secret ingredient to deeper connections with our little ones. We peel back the curtain on morning routines that set our families up for success with less stress and more laughter, even if it means ditching the alarm clock for a more natural rise. By sharing personal stories and our fatherly hacks, we aim to inspire fellow parents with strategies to foster independence and kickstart the day joyfully.
The narrative takes a reflective turn as we wrestle with the concept of self-care and its pivotal role in parenting. Join us as we navigate the evolution of fatherhood, aiming to master the art of being both a guide and a supporter in the ever-changing dance with our growing children.
Find us on our online platforms:
Co-Host: Joshua Fields ACC, CPC, & Master ELI Practitioner
Website: https://joshuafields.coach/
Instagram: @joshuaafields
Email List: https://archive.aweber.com/newsletter/awlist6189433
Co-Host: Jeremy Rubin, Keynote Speaker, Author, Consultant, Sales Leader
Website: http://faceconsultinggroup.com/
Instagram: @ajeremyrubinstory
Welcome to take it off podcast. I am your co-host, Jeremy Rubin. I'm here with my guy. The co-hosts with the most is Joshua Fields.
Speaker 2:I really like what you done to me. I can't really explain it. I'm so into you. I really like what you done to me. I can't really explain it.
Speaker 1:We're definitely going to be a part of a class action suit when the podcast actually blows up. We're going to be a part of a big class action suit with all the songs that he's out here covering that he shouldn't be covering. But that's a whole other story. Yeah, I just want to put it on tape that I am not a part of any of these covers. They are not in the script. He is going off script.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it sounds that good where it could be confused as like an original. No one's confusing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:Have you heard the Childish Gambino one, the cover.
Speaker 1:Heavy snaps. Yes, yes, it's a whole vibe. It's a whole vibe.
Speaker 3:I liken myself unto a Childish Gambino that's multifaceted, that also was a co-host, also executive coach, also your neighborhood fitness hero and a great friend to my brother, Jeremy Rubin man, I do it all, I do it all. Shout out to Tamia.
Speaker 1:Shout out to Tamia. Well, today's episode, episode 47, is entitled Are you Spitting Enough Time With your Kids? We Will Be Leading.
Speaker 3:I'm spending time with mine today.
Speaker 1:Me too, I'm spending time with my child, who is is rare we don't need to get into the details of when and where, and why?
Speaker 3:But right now I'm spending time with my little one, my little type. Are you spinning?
Speaker 1:We will be leading on an article from FastCompanycom called Five Ways that Busy Parents Can Connect With their Kids, which is interesting because the article actually only goes into four ways, but I'm sure, if we need to, josh and I come up with another. That being said, as a dad, joshua, what comes up for you when you hear the question are you spending enough time with your kids?
Speaker 3:Oh man, you immediately start judging yourself. Immediate judgment, immediate, like, oh, that's that actually should be the priority. And when you sit with it and de-layered and uncoupled, like this and that, and where your time is spent, that is you know the same type of feeling comes up as hey, are you spending enough time uncovering your passion? Are you, are you spending enough time, you know, working on your body? Are you spending enough time eating right? It's just one of those big questions, like you that just have this immense amount of judgment around it because there's never enough time to spend doing any of those things, specifically with your kids. There's just never enough time.
Speaker 3:We're spending and I don't have the data I should probably had is, but I don't. But I know, as dads, we're spending way more time with our children on average than our fathers and grandfathers ever did, and it's still still doesn't feel like enough. You know, I remember my dad telling me before he passed he's like man, I just wish I had more time with you guys. You know, my sister and I are 40 at the time where she was 39. I just turned, was about to turn 40. And you know, if he lived another 20 years and he passed, and it's just like I said, brother, there's just never enough time. So I know this article is going to walk us through with the time we have that we don't even know we have. What are we doing with that time for the people that we love, specifically our children?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, this is actually. This is actually a tough topic for me. You know, when I was with my kids mom, it was one of those things where, for the majority of the relationship, she stayed home, and so I took care of a very large tribe and stuff ain't cheap, you know. Six bedrooms ain't cheap, suvs, the hall, everybody's not cheap, food is not cheap, sports are not cheap, and so you know, I did, looking back on it, there was a lot of guilt around this because I was grinding almost daily to support everyone and there was a time, like just what you talked about our fathers, our grandfathers where just that was enough, right, like there was actually some honor around and pride to be taken if you could just take care of the family, and then it's more to well, okay that it should be the goal, that should be the standard, like taking care of your family is just a part of it. What are you doing to sew in to them? From a time standpoint which I agree, like it's a balancing act, but it was weaponized sometimes for me, like, oh, while you're at work, this is what's going on, and it's like, well, then we need to make some decisions, because I can't support the lifestyle and also be in it. If I'm required to spend more time, which is really what I want to do. But how do I get there? Right Now, getting out of it and being a single dad and having my kids probably, I don't know 85, 90% of the time I'm a lot. I mean, I don't have the guilt because they are with me more of the time. There's a volume of time, but what I've realized is that then I have to be more intentional about the quality of time, right, right. So there's always this juggling match when it comes to time and what it looks like and this pressure around hey, if I'm not spending an adequate amount of time, whatever, I mean, there is no. What is the defined time? I don't know. But if I'm not spending an adequate amount of time and the product is my children and their success and their ability to move through this world, then what do I need to do to change that and what does that need to look like? So I think that this is a great article for us first, yeah, and then our listeners, of course.
Speaker 1:But the first thing that the article says is are you relating to your kids or trying to teach them all the time? Yeah, are you relating to your kids or trying to teach them all the time? It goes on to say by relating, I mean spending time with your kids in their world, doing what they want to do. If your children are young, you probably get plenty of invitations Come on mom, come on dad, watch me. If your kids are teenagers, you probably want more chances to peek into their universe.
Speaker 1:Teaching is a very different but equally important part of parenting. Right, it goes on to say here's a simple way to describe the difference when you're teaching, you're bringing your child into the adult world and they are the student of you. When you're relating, you enter into your child's world and you become the student of your child. And this is an area where I have gotten better at. Over time, I felt like everything had to like. It was like I wanted to teach my kids everything right then, right there, real time, so they could be equipped for a very difficult world. But what I realized is that, over time, what I've realized is that you know kids don't really care about the lesson till they know that you care about them, and so I've done a lot better job of just organically connected with my kids right where they're at. So when opportunities do come up, to teach that their ears are open. But what does this bring up for you?
Speaker 3:Josh, the first thing about what you said about kids responding. To say that last part again, I missed it, like how they respond, the lesson versus the yeah, yeah, yeah it.
Speaker 1:Just they want to know you care. You know it's just a spin off of you. Know, I don't care about how much you know until I know how much you care. Like they want to know that I care first, Because if they don't know that I care, they can't even hear the lesson. They're like Dad, you don't understand. Dad, you don't know what's going on. Dad, like you don't get in this. Like, wait a minute. No, I do get it. Yeah, but me trying to prove it from there is not going to work. Yeah, Like, hey, you already think that we're removed by generations? You already think the world is so different? You already think that my experience actually disqualifies me in this area? Yeah, but when you know that I love you, that I'm with you, that I want the best for you, and you're like Dad, hey, this is what's going on, Then maybe you can hear what I got to say yeah, yeah, absolutely so.
Speaker 3:The quote comes up to mind for me by Josh McDowell. I use this with my team all the time. You've probably heard me mention it before Rules without relationships lead to rebellion and when it comes to our children, holding them accountable, a bunch of rules without that time for relationship building and kids are going to rebel anyway. Right, they're going to try things, they're going to do another, and I'm talking about a consistent lifestyle where they're just shutting you out, like consistently and as parents. Right, we're not, you know, we play that role of like we friend, we parent, like I want you to talk to me, I want you to open up to me and I don't want to judge you, but I want you to feel comfortable. But I don't want you, I want to protect you at the same time. So if I hear something that you know raises my spidey senses, then here I come controlling and protecting without considering what you're capable. Right, and so we can fall into that trap often and lead from. As long as I'm keeping my kids safe, it justifies our behavior, and I think that that it's important for us to build relationships with our children and allow for capacity to grow, and that's not going to come from a finite box that we place our children and we have to allow their own lived experience to matter alongside our lived experience, because they're having their own while we have had ours and will continue to have ours and giving ourselves some grace that we're both doing this for the first time. They're watching you grow as a parent and you're watching them grow as a child, and it's new for both of you. And those are the things that just come up for me when I think about you know, and obviously different age ranges for your children, you know, require an appropriate amount of you know, leaning in and and and and and a way to relate to them. So they, they, they have the appropriate amount of like risk involved in whatever, whatever it is that you have them going through. But yeah, I think about my own kids a lot. You know, charlie, skyler and Tyson, and they all require something very different, but they do require my time, right, they do require my time.
Speaker 3:And then, being a parent, especially with with my wife, and being and leaning in to different things that come up, we have to prioritize how are we doing feeding ourselves so we can feed our children in a way that is not feeling like, oh, now I have to do this because you know my my, you know my kids. You know we often put our kids before ourselves in many ways and we justify it as we're doing this to to, to, to make sure our kids are going to be better off in the world, all the while we're not being fed or getting what we need for us. So now our kids become a distraction to the very thing they need to see us doing unapologetically, whether that's disciplining your health and fitness, disciplining your finances, disciplining your time at work. So then, the life that you're creating for them that's the natural byproduct is an enhanced reality for them, because you've disciplined these parts of your life to provide a better life for them. You know, after I've seen this on the internet, many people will die for their kids. Right, how many of us are willing to live like? Live our life for our kids, like your kids, watching you live. That's inspiring, bro.
Speaker 3:I'm going to Columbia tonight by myself on a work trip, and my kids are like what daddy, what? What's you doing now? Right, versus me hanging around. Okay, I'm going to feel guilty, so I'm not going to go anywhere. You know, I quit my job so I could be at home, or no, no, I did not. No, no, I quit my job. So my kids one day would look at me and this wasn't conscious like that, but they're going to be inspired by that. Didn't settle for anything, right. Right, he lived and I want to live because I'm not going to be there one day. But my legacy will be, if it goes according to how I want the plan to go. So, anyway, I'll stop there. I know I can get on a little tangent about this, but you know it's important for us just to remind ourselves that we have a life to live to.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you want to take it and go to the next point here, or you got something to add to that.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, go ahead, hit us up with the next point.
Speaker 3:So point number two focus on short burst of undivided attention. So this is really enlightening what I was just covering here. Working parents, particularly mothers I watched this firsthand often feel so guilty about being gone all day. As a result, they feel like they have to give their kids undivided attention every moment they're not at work. This is a burden on you as the parent that leaves little time for anything else, and it's not necessary. It turns out this is great, great insight here that kids thrive on short burst of undivided attention that you consistently provide. We're talking five to 20 minutes. Yeah, you put your phone down, blocking out some distractions and giving your kids complete undivided attention for those moments. It doesn't mean that you're not going to interact with them. You might be on your phone, you might be cooking and having conversations all day, but you're doing a number of multitasking things, but at this, five to 20 minutes in a consistent rhythm for them, and that's all they need.
Speaker 3:Yeah, get that attention, get that burst, let them tell you about their day. Do what you do as a parent to lean into relationship building. From that lens, I mean, this is even helpful for me and that's all you need to continue to build this great engagement that doesn't shut down the rest of your life, because that's just unrealistic and you're going to set yourself up for disappointment within you and this constant judgment that you're not doing enough Right. And so, having that time and that strategy, I think, like I said, bro, that insight right there helps me a ton.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think it even goes further than that that when you're trying to make your entire life about your children and I've seen a number of parents do this, fathers and and mothers One you're setting your kids up for a really unrealistic expectation around how people should treat them. It becomes all about them, especially when your time with them is connected to how they behave Right. And so what you're teaching your children is well, as long as you follow the rules, or as long as you do this, then you're going to get that. And then now you have kids that may not necessarily agree with that, but are going to do that so that they can get the favor of authority, they can get the favor of other people. And I'm announced to you you know you're teaching codependent behavior. I'm announced to you, you're teaching your kids to basically hack the system of attention Right.
Speaker 1:Another thing around this putting all your eggs in one basket that I see is that when you're, when you get to a space and there's a lot of people, I'm going to make my whole life about my kids there's an expectation that you have around how your kids are going to show up as you sunset out of that. And if they don't do or become or move in the direction that you put all your time and effort in. Now you're in mourning for the second half of your life because you feel like all of that time was wasted. So I think that this short that's such a bar.
Speaker 3:I know I'm interrupting you, but that's cool.
Speaker 3:That's a bar, mm? Hmm, that's a bar, bro. I don't know if we realize that you cannot. I tell my kids all the time that there's nothing in this world that they can do that will stop me from loving them. There's not enough time to spend with your loved ones. So now organize your life in a way that gives you the ultimate freedom to be your authentic self and do some inspiration work. You can't just hovering and helicoptering and not judging it, but that's an anxious attachment style because you're trying to control an outcome that looks like well, if I do this, they'll be compliant, they'll follow the rules. If I give them even more time, we see parents do this Kids start to pull away. Here comes the parent. They're more pushing the child away.
Speaker 3:Right, this is relationship. It doesn't change in children dynamics, right? So your strategy around undivided attention for relationship building that's intentional and giving yourself a life outside of your children that inspires you to live, gives you more capacity to be loving, intentional. Have great conversations, be able to expose your kids to other parts of your own life that they can learn from versus all right, got to get out of work, I got to get home Again. Age appropriate If you're talking about a newborn. That's different than someone that's a child that's 10. So I just think that that's such an important point you just made about, yeah, just about the how we spend the time with our children. Right, it's so valuable and not using it we do. Right, we use it as a tool to get something out of it later, as our years come to an end, and expecting, okay, now I'll need them to take care of me when I can't take care of myself, and thinking giving your kids more time is going to create that desire and that's just not true.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it doesn't really equip anybody to have their own life right Like I'm actually doing a lot, being a lot better about this lately with even though, my kids. You know, like my days off not saying okay, my days off that I need to be 24, seven when my kids my days off, I need to handle business. You know I've got endeavors outside of my day job. I need to be, you know ever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I need to be networking with people. I need to be, I need to be running the streets. There's just things I need to do and so that complete you right.
Speaker 3:That you continue to come. Your kids don't complete you.
Speaker 1:They don't. Your wife doesn't complete your wife doesn't complete your job, doesn't?
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah. All these are part of a larger ecosystem of support that make you who you are, but balancing it, or giving more time to something like your children, I noticed my like. Well, I mean, yeah, we're challenging that. We're not going to be organizing, intentional about how that time looks. So it's quality and it's valuable and it's insightful and it's consistent. Right, that's going to create the relationship that you're looking forward to. Cheers, not 24 hours every day, all day on call. Do whatever they need. You know anyway you get it.
Speaker 1:But yeah, because, again, like, I said you set them up. You know it's so funny. I see this all the times and memes is like you know, it's the whole tension between, you know, guys and their moms versus their wives or their girlfriends.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1:That's a good one. My mom would have had this done already. Right, and look you about to get yourself in trouble.
Speaker 3:Oh, I get comments about that to this day.
Speaker 1:You know, moms come into the house and she just starts working on the dishes and she's put next to you know she's pulling stuff out of the pantry and whipping things, you know, and it's just this level of tension, right, and you can expect things out of your partner that you've seen, but isn't like. It's so interesting how we can actually create what we believe the world is supposed to be and put that on our kids and it's all again. Don't get me wrong, none of this is out of spite. None of this is out of like. You know I'm intentionally. I mean this is out of like. You know I'm intentionally. I mean this is out of like. You know I'm intentionally. I mean there are some cases I'm not trying to intentionally control or manipulate you.
Speaker 1:Most of this is I'm just trying to keep you safe and give you the best life that you can have. But I'm still doing it through my limited lens, right, I'm still doing it through my experience and so giving people the ability to be able to find out, you know, what's what's theirs or what's good for them or what's good for their new family maybe your traditions don't necessarily align with theirs and not taking offense to it and being more curious about okay son, okay daughter. Why did you choose that? Well, this is why I chose that versus really it's the whole energy. But anyway, why don't you lead us into the third point?
Speaker 3:Yeah, change the nature of how you are spending time with your kids. Right, the article says if you work outside the home, you likely have touch points with your kids around five big transitions in the day. Those touch points are waking up, getting out the door, reuniting at the end of the day, dinner and bedtime. My guess is you see the most stressful points. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely Get up, You're late.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, If you don't brush your teeth, you're going to be late for it's time to go to bed If you don't get to this table and eat. It's so funny that these touch points actually trigger.
Speaker 3:Yeah absolutely the most parents and the majority of what your kids experience with you Absolutely High stress moments, right and so, man, you're actually bringing up something from your voice, just wasn't giving it enough credit for me because you was out here being calm. Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 1:No no no no but that's what the article is saying, right? The article is naturally saying yeah, like, instead of waking them up with that alarm, wake them up with sunlight, right?
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what the article is saying, but I'm just keeping it real. Yeah, keep it a bud.
Speaker 1:You got to get to school? Yeah, get out your bed, right?
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah. This can result in a lot of friction, Yep, and not much getting done. Kids want attention from their parents and they're going to get it somehow. Instead of directing or go against your always be productive instincts and just be changing the texture oh I love this. Changing the texture of the time you spend oh that's, I like that. The texture is rich, the texture of time. Even just 15 minutes of playing or reading or being silly is fun and can make all the stuff you have to accomplish go more smoothly. I have insight on this. May I please share? Please do, brother. So my wife is a little bit more high strung in the productive box.
Speaker 3:Now I'm probably going to get in some trouble because her mom and her sister-in-law, Nicole and my mama, my mama-in-law, are all cut like this and it's been passed down. I see grandma Harlow and I'd be like, oh God, it makes sense, but hold on.
Speaker 1:Now, these are all very successful women, oh productive, high positions, business owners general councils, directors of education.
Speaker 3:Like oh yeah, the stock looks great, so it would justify that my daughters Charlie and Skyler, and my son Tyson would naturally do it this way and I'm not knocking it. But my wife and I have come up with some other strategies here and we're just getting better with each generation. In my opinion, I got my family had their own stuff but I'm talking about my wife right now but with our kids specifically, my wife has always she's actually been very, very praising. She's given me my flowers in this area I wake up. We got music going. This is as the day started. Now is it every day? It's not every day, but it's enough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you put this bull at my house one time. Yeah, when we get up.
Speaker 3:We got the music going.
Speaker 1:I wake up.
Speaker 3:I yell, I do the whole Lion King.
Speaker 2:Oh she won, oh she won.
Speaker 3:And it just like and you know the kids just laughing or whatever. We got the music going, we doing our thing. And we've also trained our kids, again age appropriate. My daughter Skyler, she's such that now she's the, she's the server. Now we got to watch this because I see some people pleasing tendencies. I know I talk about this a lot, but she also is very structured and thrives in structure. So we have outsourced breakfast for our 11, 9 and 7 year old. We've outsourced their making their own lunches, not our responsibility. I don't need to get up at 6am, 6.30 and all that. So it's to relieve some pressure and giving them some responsibility and it's praised. Look at you being independent. Wow, the minute you can show you know your capability in this area, great, I don't need to do it anymore. And some parents, constantly they want to be needed all the time. My kids need me all the time and it's a burden and it's a weight. Then and I know I'll be messing with you about this- oh, I really know you out here digging.
Speaker 1:I really know you out here digging. My kids won't cook because they know dad burns in the kitchen. Where?
Speaker 3:are you talking about? Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 3:My little girl is cooking next to me, I'm like, yeah, because I don't want to cook with the rest of your life you will be cooking for me, but we got to start somewhere, right? 1000. It's relationship, right. It's the texture of the time you're spending. So, yeah, it could be. We're getting up, kids is waiting for us to do. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're going to create an environment where you're taking part in this as well, because the point of this is for us to spend more quality time.
Speaker 3:Quality time, in my opinion, isn't the parent doing everything for your child Again, age appropriate but you. Disciplining your time allows you to be able to build capacity in your children to give you back your time While they're being inspired and being skilled and being made to be the adult that they will be one day. And it comes from these just small efforts to let go. Yep, you can do that. Let go. Yep, you got this. Now Let go.
Speaker 3:Oh, all of a sudden, I have time to focus on my morning routine, get my workout in and be present in a way to give what now I have, which is time, to your children, or whatever it is you're prioritizing, but we're talking about specifically changing the nature of how you spend the time with your children and in this particular strategy, goes a long way. And again back to those friction points throughout your day. Our mornings are not as intense Now. They're still intense, but they're not as intense. I'm not telling you all to go from well, we're way over here on this spectrum and now we're way over here. You got to build and work that capacity into your children and so it's a little less stressful because there's some more independence in our children that's emerging. Like my daughter, skyler, she'd be like hey, hey, daddy breakfast, I even made Tyson's lunch. Now what she's looking for is a little out of the way yeah.
Speaker 3:That's a whole other issue we'll have to deal with, but we're going to pick your issues, your challenges, versus oh damn, I didn't get up at time, I got to get down there, I got to cook. No, no, no, no, no, let's, let's shift this. More independence. You need an adaboy, you need to go start from daddy for doing some independent things. We'll deal with the consequences of what that means in the moment, but right now we've created more capacity in our moments and our mornings for them to feel less stressful and give our kids a more enriching experience, again changing the texture of the time. What do you got for me, jay Rupin?
Speaker 1:Oh man. The last thing is make mindful transitions. So mindful transitions. So many relationships go off the rails is what the article has to say. Many relationships go off the rails during transitions.
Speaker 1:How many times have you walked in the door while finishing a phone call or responding to an email? Perhaps you started the day by yelling hurry up, get dressed, instead of good morning. Don't do that. Before crossing any threshold, be sure to set your intention. What do you want to communicate on the other side of that door?
Speaker 1:Use the first few moments of each reconnection point with your kids to show them how happy you are to see them into their world, by asking how they slept, how their day was, what they found exciting, funny, challenging that day, etc. This right here kicks my ass because typically, like everyone else, when I'm commuting in the car, a lot of times that's when I'm making my important phone calls from work to home, from project to home, from home to project, and what I've noticed is that I could be in a conversation where there's some stressful things going on, there's a problem that needs to be solved, and I'm bringing that conversation into the door. Now your kids are seeing you. They're oh, we ain't seen you in a few hours. You know, dad, and I'm still stuck in whatever news or whatever problem I have to solve, and now they're getting the remnants of that, they're getting the energy from that, and so what I've realized just in reading this is that I don't do a good enough job of leaving it at the door right, like, just leaving at the door.
Speaker 1:Now, on the other side of that, when my kids call me at work, I always pick up, or if I'm in front of like an executive or something like that, I'll be like, hey, three minutes, five minutes, I'm gonna call you right back. They know like they're going to get a hold of their dad. So there's that too. It's not like I separate work and home and home and work, but what I could do a better job of is getting into character when I get home, if that makes any sense. Like, like, because you get into character for work, you know you get into character for that client that you're trying to bag. Even if you don't feel like it, I browse up.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's what you call it. What you call it, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah you take on a base out of your voice for that. I'm just.
Speaker 1:I'm just literally going to jog over that last comment, but but, but it's true. It's like, yeah, now you're right. And based on the price point or the opportunity. Oh God, Denzel Washington, the Academy Award goes to right Because it's important to us, but we're saying our kids are important to us. We'll then getting character.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's what this is. This reminds me of this clip that has been circling around social media between Is it James ball?
Speaker 1:No, it's not James ball. I think you're talking to.
Speaker 3:Giovanni, giovanni Davis, where she's talking, they're having this great conversation. It's like a clip from the, from the like bright of 60s or 70s, mm-hmm, and she's like light of me. You lighted that man at work. Every day I'm putting on a face and then I get home and I get the worst of you. No, you lie to me too. Then, yep, if it's so important for you to keep your job quote-unquote and perform when you get home, I don't care what you got to do.
Speaker 3:You lie to me, then lie to me, figure it out Right and there's a lot of truth there. And I know we talk a lot about being your fully expressed self and, and you know, being unhinged and and living out how you authentically feel. What your authentic feelings don't necessarily mean that you're that is attached to something negative Like resentment and anger and and oh, I'm doing all this for other people. No, the point of this article is to you to invoke what mindful transitions and, in time, are you spending the voting to you so you can give to others? You can't give what you don't have.
Speaker 3:Yeah, if your, if your time isn't spent amplifying the true essence of you, not burdens that you have adopted or inherited, but spending time to be like, okay, where am I at? Am I getting much rest? My sleep again, I'm all. This is ideal. Can you do something in your life to pour more into you so you can pour into others, your kids especially? The most freeing point of this whole article is that those short bursts of Undivided attention, giving your kids that, that that supreme and gopah mean Attention for five to twenty minutes, that to me, that was just that's, that's just freeing, because I could, I could do that, I can do that, I, you do that and you could do that for sure you could do it consistently and, and I think you know, the picture that came up for me is, I think, in on number four.
Speaker 1:When we start making mindful transitions, a lot of times you'll see like these Motivational folks. You'll see people talking on social media and when they talk about, like, living your authentic self, it's always be big, be brave, right, like, go big or go home, and there's a space for you shrinking, there's a space for you absolutely Giving an example, like when a lion goes and hunts. That lion ain't roaring, the lion's not loud, no, it crouches down, then pause, become real soft. It's blending in with the territory, right, because it needs to get small and stealthy for something that it wants, so that when it's time to be loud, it's strong enough to be loud, it's strong enough to defend, and so and and, and this is the beautiful insight.
Speaker 3:What you're saying is your ability to roar, which is rare. Lions aren't just roaring all the time, right, all the time, it's actually not. It would get in their way of sure successful lions for sure if all they did was roaring right. We like oh, we know where the lions are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you guys have been here all day. The lines are like damn.
Speaker 3:You know we've been roaring and showing our, our bravado and how, how big and bad we are. Where's the food? Yeah, they know where you are it, so they're not gonna be where you are Right. So it's important that you spend the time, like you're mentioning here, being in a space where you right, you're spending time with you, with your pride, like you mentioned, you get into to the hunt mode and it looks a certain way and it actually gives you the ability to roar Right. You're healthy, you're whatever your roaring looks like, whatever you.
Speaker 3:When it was time to showcase your skills, well, you know those skills have been developed with an ecosystem of support and there's a regimen, there's a consistent diet that you have for what it is that you want to amplify and showcase, and it looks like all of it.
Speaker 3:Roaring is a part, but it is not all Right time. What your children is a part of you, but it is not all of you, and they could very well be your motivation for getting up and going to that job. Taking that abuse from your supervisor or speaking up for yourself or advocating for yourself, or whatever it is that you're inspired to do, can be directly connected to the life you want to see your kids have. But you have to live your life for your kids to be able to see you Live your life Right. So I mean these, I mean powerful, powerful points, and how we organize and prioritize Our time for us so we can give that to our children Is just really important. It's so important, I so important. Brother any other, j Ruben, gyms or jewels to share with the people.
Speaker 1:Man jewels Montana out here. No, I actually know, I think, montana. Yeah, this is pretty complete and, like I said, I think that I would just challenge people to Just remove the guilt as you're walking towards what you want with your kids. You know around you because they're a part of your life and this is something I'm learning, but, man, they're about to have their whole lives. You know like they're about to go out and do some great things and then I'm gonna be an even a more supportive capacity. When I say that, I mean literally support, like I'm not here to quarterback anything. You know I'm gonna give you some direction, but it's up to you whether you want to choose it, and as you're maneuvering through this, I'm gonna support you and I think more people need to Start to look at what that transition looks like for them, because it can be really rough if you don't have a life outside of your children and then, on the other side of it too, is like if there's not any type of consistent rhythm around connecting with your kids, then when they go off and as you get older, there won't be any consistent Connecting with your kids.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, it's never too late. So, you know, start today, whatever that looks like, you know, and I think it starts by defining what do you want for yourself, what do you want for yourself, and then organize your life, your kids, your career, your health and fitness goals, your friends. Come on, man, around, now you're giving it to. You want for yourself, because if you're gonna tell the people you love the most, come on, hey, I want you to go after what, for what you want for you. Well, shoot, show that. Oh, because if you're not showing that, then what I'm going to do is I'm good, hey, so good I'm.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna model my life by default or by design, after where I practice, which is at home, yeah, and so see mom never have any friends and all she does is serve and all she then guess what I'm gonna be in a relationship where I don't have no friends. Yeah, I'm I, so know I do a serve I'm not my family, and all I do is serve without boundaries, because guess what I absorb that yeah. So you want to give a gift to your kids? Hey, figure out what you want, you and move towards it.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, absolutely, include them, but then we're not. Do not be distracted by your children.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh.
Speaker 3:You didn't think your kids are a distraction. Oh, absolutely, mm-hmm, the easiest distraction. We actually amplify and praise you for being distracted by your kids. It's point five. Point five coming out. Oh, we got point five your kids are your distraction.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'd rather be the hero in my children's story. Yep, then the hero in my own way, easier, oh, you think. Oh, I see you think. Oh, you had children, so now you got this burden to take care of them. We're not saying that, but do not not go to the gym. Let's make this real. Do not not go to the gym because you're not getting up early enough To go take care of you, to be back to take care of your responsibilities, but you are your first priority, your kid the children aren't gonna look out for you the way you can look out for you, until it's probably in your later years.
Speaker 1:And it's not even their job.
Speaker 3:It's not even their job. It's not your job to look out for you. So you have the capacity to look out for them. The gym I don't know why I'm on this gym thing, but you giving yourself the opportunity to Grow and expand and challenge yourself in that weight room or on that treadmill, whatever it is to give yourself time for you and it could be meditating and get yourself a massage. We just self care, but the discipline around your time allows you to capacity for your kids to be like hey, dad, where you going? Oh, dad's going to the gym.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because when you get my age, you need to be going to the gym. You don't need to be sitting here waiting for your kids to wake up and have breakfast for them. No, I'm gonna build capacity of my children for them to make their own food, even if it's pouring of all of cereal with some cold milk. Feed them, but teach them how to feed themselves. So you give more time back as they get older. Oh, yep, you got more independence. Let me take some more time back. Next thing you look up, your time is spent on actually the time you want to spend with them, which is relationship building and engaging and talking about the bigger, deeper things of life, because you've built the capacity for them to be Independent, because you let go. Yeah, you want to continue to be distracted by this responsibility and burden to some kids. That I don't appreciate it anyway.
Speaker 1:You can never do it for your kids anyway, ever they always got something to say ever and go deep, now go deeper. This shows up.
Speaker 3:I can't go deeper. That's all I have, that's all the.
Speaker 1:Lord bless me with when we talk about how this shows up, this show like we doing for your kids. Actually, go ahead now, post it on social media, right, yep, cooking breakfast, like, like, like, like, like, like, like. Oh yeah, yep, we over here, we over there, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, right, because those pictures with your kids, in doing things With your kids, that's the stuff that goes viral, that's goes support it. But the next question is did you get done what you needed to get done for you? You know, absolutely nobody care about that. That's a thing Including your children. They're not there. They're supposed to be selfish, absolutely. They're supposed to look out for them. You could actually learn something. Oh, come on, you could actually learn something. Like. My daughter is no joke. She is going to find a way to get what she wants. She's gonna be a brilliant project manager, attorney, business owner, you know, contract negotiator, because she finds a way to get what she wants. She has no fear asking me 90,000 times the two-minute span for what she wants. But I'm like, you know what it's that you know. So anyway, like I said, don't let man number five we knew we come out with. Don't let your kids be a distraction. Come on, at the end of the day we're gonna wrap this up. You know we just appreciate you guys are taking our podcast. You can support us by downloading, of course, listening to the content, sharing it, supporting us on our social media platforms.
Speaker 1:I took a break. I took a good 11 months off from social media. I'm back. A Jeremy Rubin story on IG. I'm out here on Facebook, tick tock. We're everywhere. Snap. My kids are just thrown that. I have a snap. I can have a snap too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:I'm following you all. Demon time, I can't stand you. I mean angel time, my bad. Yeah, you sound like my mom. She don't say they're deviled eggs, they're angel eggs.
Speaker 3:You know we name the whole day. She didn't renamed it. Yeah, she's a woman of God. She is deal with the Holy Ghost there it is, yeah, the guy spent time with Jesus.
Speaker 1:We're gonna leave it at that. Take it off by a cast. We will see you guys later, okay, oh.
