Take it off! See. Love. Grow.
An unfulfilled life has less to do with what it is - and more with how you see it. Your fulfillment is often on the other side of a tough decision or conversation. It is in the resolving of conflict and the releasing of self-judgment that we grow the most. So, if you feel stuck in your career, relationships, or how you think about yourself, it’s time to “TAKE IT OFF” and show up as your authentic self. Joshua A. Fields and Jeremy Rubin co-host the “Take it Off” Podcast. As a master practitioner of the Energy Leadership Index with 15 years of executive leadership experience at a Fortune 10 company, Certified Executive Coach Joshua Fields has a proven track record of creating high-performing teams and environments for personal transformation. Renowned author, speaker, and founder of FACE Consulting, Jeremy Rubin, immediately impacts groups large and small using humor, personal stories, and practical, result-driven applications. These two have brought unique life experiences, skill sets, and energy to create an experience like no other. The mission is simple but not easy. It is to empower people with the skills to see and accept themselves and others clearly and without judgment to live a more authentic life. So, if you’re ready to live with purpose and curiosity and to get clear on what you want for your life, join us weekly at the “Take it Off” Podcast. Some concepts are based on and inspired by the coach training program Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC).
Take it off! See. Love. Grow.
Embracing Your Edge: Why Polarization Can Be Powerful
Have you ever been at a crossroads, compelled to pick a side in the game of life? We've all felt the push and pull of societal expectations, but the raw, unfiltered moments genuinely define us. In our milestone 50th podcast episode, we peel back the curtain on the hidden benefits of polarization. With each passionate debate and every line drawn in the sand, we find the space to sharpen our beliefs and discover freedom in clarity. It celebrates the unwitting contrasts that guided us towards a more authentic existence.
Venturing through the personal landscapes of our lives, we share tales that dance between the joy of self-acceptance and the pain of conformity. Joshua's therapist's insights become a beacon, illuminating the fragmented selves we juggle in a bid to please the world. We uncover the transformative power of being true to who we are. Authenticity is woven through our conversations, binding us together in shared experience and genuine connection.
We raise our glasses in gratitude to our steadfast listeners, like Charles Dizon, whose support has been the wind beneath our wings. Join us on this continuous growth journey as we embrace the polarizing aspects of our identities and the rich tapestry they weave into our relationships. Here's to the next 50 episodes, where we will continue to unravel the complexities of our authentic selves and revel in the beauty of living a life unbound by expectations.
The Hero's Journey Retreat Details: https://theherosjourneyretreat.com/
Find us on our online platforms:
Co-Host: Joshua Fields ACC, CPC, & Master ELI Practitioner
Website: https://joshuafields.coach/
Instagram: @joshuaafields
Email List: https://archive.aweber.com/newsletter/awlist6189433
Co-Host: Jeremy Rubin, Keynote Speaker, Author, Consultant, Sales Leader
Website: http://faceconsultinggroup.com/
Instagram: @ajeremyrubinstory
welcome to the take it off podcast, where we see love grow.
Speaker 2:I am your co-host, jeremy rubin, and I'm here with my guy, joshua fields how could you bear somebody lay where I lay, how could you give them everything that we made?
Speaker 1:I'm just done fighting with you anymore, bro. How?
Speaker 2:could you call them all the names that you used to call me? How could you just forget about me, oh?
Speaker 1:we're using those lyrics. I'm so done with you. Not really, I say that every episode I come back. This is episode 50.
Speaker 2:How could you teach them all the things I taught you?
Speaker 1:50 episodes.
Speaker 2:How could you put him up on the ghetto Kama Sutra? What is the ghetto Kama Sutra? I don't even want to talk what are you?
Speaker 1:No, I just want to know what the ghetto Kama Sutra is.
Speaker 2:I don't know, bro, I know what the classic.
Speaker 1:Kama Sutra is, but I don't know what's the classic Kama Sutra. There's a lot going on. What's that mean? There's just a lot going on.
Speaker 2:You have to read the book. I'm not filtering myself at all, I'm just saying I'm saying Sex expert, no See here my kids listen to this podcast.
Speaker 1:Well, they need to know how they got here. Hey, no, they don't. No, they don't Not for a while, shut your mouth, oh my God. You can learn anything on the internet and here at the Take it Off podcast, episode 50. Episode 50, bro, that's a big deal. That's a big deal Half a century 50-50. And here's what y'all don't know. We're doing this at like 2, 3 in the morning because we were out there. We was outside for just a little bit we was outside for just a little bit ran into our buddy.
Speaker 1:Ronell shout out to Ronell. Shout out to Ms Velez yeah we ran out.
Speaker 2:We ran out into some folks we was downtown Seattle, we went to Thomas and then we was at Sam's and then we got our bus home. And here we are.
Speaker 1:And we kind of were the party though. Oh, absolutely, that's real talk, absolutely, and I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. I think we should throw a party Like a take it off party. Yeah, we talked about that.
Speaker 2:Throwing the take it off party.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like for our listeners, we do a live recording of the podcast, and then we end with just a, just a big party, and you're gonna dj it, I'll find it.
Speaker 2:I'll find a dj, maybe.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's me maybe I want to be on a dance floor. You're the hottest dj on the west coast. They just don't know. Yeah, yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2:Yeah what are you talking about? Oh, they know so then why are you suggesting other is for our podcast. I know All my reviews online are perfect, not to brag or anything. Musicbyjfieldscom Look me up.
Speaker 1:But I am an executive coach.
Speaker 2:This podcast is for my coaching business.
Speaker 1:I got a lot of stuff going on. Can you strike all like if it's a four-star?
Speaker 2:Oh, the Hero's journey is coming through. Come through to the hero's journey. August 12th through the 17th what were you saying? Though you were saying something about uh, I was talking about the reviews, the reviews okay you got all five stars.
Speaker 1:Yeah, perfect reviews. Okay, that's perfect.
Speaker 2:Man, I would expect nothing less, hey you can't, you can't, especially when you're skilled in the ghetto.
Speaker 1:Kama sutra this is crazy, this is wild. Again, welcome, welcome, welcome. This is episode 50 and today is going to be a banger. It's entitled what is it? You know, we've been going back and forth about this title, so what's our?
Speaker 2:title for today. Man, today's title for episode 50 is embracing your edge. Why polarization can be powerful.
Speaker 1:Can you say that one more time for the people in the back Embracing your?
Speaker 2:edge, why polarization can be powerful.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about polarization for just a, for just a jaunt, for just a moment. Let's talk about polarization for just a, for just a jaunt, for just a moment. Let's define it. Ok, because polarization, the definition, is division into two sharply distinct opposites, especially a state in which the opinions, beliefs or interests of a group or society no longer range along a continuum but become concentrated at opposite extremes. So, in lay terms, we're on opposite sides, okay, opposed, opposed, you know what. Thank you, thesaurus, I really appreciate that. Thank you for clearing that up for me, sir. Speak simply for the people. Oh, really Prospective time, prospective time. Oh, really Perspective time, perspective time. When we think about this word polarization, oftentimes we think about things that separate, like politics, right, democrat versus Republican, the separation between church and state. When you think, josh, about polarizing figures.
Speaker 2:Who do you think about? I think about Jeremy Rubin. I think about, think about jeremy rubin. I think about I am not, uh, I I think about you know, you know, hitler, I think about um here's what's crazy, whoever you say next yeah, like, it's like.
Speaker 1:How did you put them in the same conversation as hitler?
Speaker 2:yeah, that's how polarizing yeah, I mean donald trump is in that category of a polarizing figure, um, or a joel olstein a joel olstein?
Speaker 1:yeah, absolutely a td jakes. A creflo dollar? Yep right, yep right, absolutely the kanye west kanye, what?
Speaker 2:even a steve jobs, right, um, yeah, so, yeah, we, so, yeah, we can start there. So you're getting a feel of these. People have very distinct personalities, and why this is significant is when an individual's behavior and their communication are incorporating their values, and they're that, and they speak that clearly. You, you know who they are, based on what they stand for, even regardless if it aligns with the status quo or not. Yeah, right, so that's either going to attract or it's going to repel. Yeah and so, and so it takes. It takes that you know that clarity, that honest self-expression that naturally can divide people and it also can. You can figure out who you're compatible with when people get to know who you are, based on what you're communicating and how you're showing up, without hesitation.
Speaker 1:For sure, and this is not a political show. But you mentioned one name, donald Trump, right? What was interesting when he said we're going to build a wall, I thought like that was some of the wildest stuff in the world. I was like, first of all, where are we going to get all these materials? Right, we're going to just build a wall? Right, we're going to keep people out.
Speaker 1:But what's interesting about him and his truth was to me, no one had galvanized a party like him, like people were just keeping it. We can say, you know, there was a mix of George Floyd, there was the mix of COVID, there was a mix of all these things. We're sitting inside and we ain't got nothing to do but look at our screens. But in him just saying this is who I am good, bad or indifferent he gave other people the courage to say you know what I'm riding with that right, like, whether you believe it's good or bad or whatever category you put it in, good or bad or whatever category you put it in, we can't deny that. It rallied a base right and more people were emboldened to say this is who I am too. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So, and we bring this up, we bring up these examples because oftentimes when we talk about this, this polarization, it becomes this negative light or this thing that brings people apart. But bringing people apart and deciding what the side is, or making a choice, isn't necessarily a negative thing.
Speaker 2:No, you're walking through life. No, no, I I would suggest, and even from this book that I'm reading by Mark Manson he's the author of the Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck and he argues that, not in that particular book, but he argues that polarization is inevitable and it's essential in forming strong and meaningful connections. And so the main point here is, if I am quick to show me right in the midst of ambiguity, I can cut through the bs, I don't have to perform, um, or I can choose not to perform at a level where we're doing the dance, we're doing the niceties. You know they call it that Seattle nice, that, uh, you know and I'm not talking about being kind, I said I think it's kind for you to be polarizing, it's nice for you to play the game and perform and be a bit of a show. And this brings up a perfect example from our night out that we just had Yep, I was sitting at a table and a waiter walked by us and I was like, hey, I'm about to go, I'm a mess with her.
Speaker 2:Some guy, some guy found her and gave gave her a hug before he left and I was just noticing like she was, so many guys were seeking her out. Oh, I gotta get my hug before I go. Hey, good to see you again, you know. And again, just their subtle way of shooting the shot. We see this all the time in the wild, all the time, so I'm gonna mess with her. I've looked at jeremy, I said I'm gonna mess with her. So she comes back. I said said man, you got another, you picked the wrong ones. Today she was sexually what's the word? Frustrated.
Speaker 2:Wait, wait wait, no, no, no. Her energy was too. It was crazy, so I'm going to explain it.
Speaker 1:She explodes on me. You think I'm being too strong? No, I mean pause, but go ahead she was very very it was a visceral reaction.
Speaker 2:It was a visceral reaction, for sure and so the response was you're just judging me, you don't know.
Speaker 1:I have to perform. You got those glasses on. They look like Jeffrey.
Speaker 2:Dahmer, you're a nerd, me you don't know. She called you a nerd. You got those glasses on, they look like. Jeffrey Dahmer. You're a nerd, you probably stay behind your computer working on spreadsheets all the time. I'm like sweetie, you're reading me she said, she said I was in tech. I was like she was like your wife. I can't believe she hasn't called you what and called you what is your girlfriend that's actually I'm married. She was like, oh yeah, she probably thinks you got jeffrey dahmer glasses on.
Speaker 1:And I was like, uh, and I'm sitting there like you got me.
Speaker 2:You're reading me all the way. Well, you're judging me. You know I have to perform, but she kept saying that I have to do this to take care of my kids. Polarizing, right, polarizing yeah, I'm a.
Speaker 1:I'm a customer? Not at that moment.
Speaker 2:Right, but she didn't see customer. I caught her at the right moment where she was done performing, so we got to. What was really bothering her is what she has to do to earn money this late at night, take care of her kids. So now we're exposing some honesty trouble that she's having with herself about what she's doing to earn a living doesn't necessarily align with how she wants to make money, and so it's in conflict. There's tension there and I'm not saying you got to love your job every day day, but you do need to have a joy for your job. You don't need to be happy all the time, but there's a joy that comes when your values are aligned with what you say you are right and there will be less resistance there. So that that question or that even that kind of joke wouldn't triggered her in that way. But that was that's. That was that was my vantage point. What did you see? Because you saw it from a distance.
Speaker 1:Well, I was sitting at the same table. But yes, I will agree with you. It was a crazy visceral response and it went into attack mode about you because she just assumed that you're just this judgy, judgmental person that's judging her. I'm like this is the least judgmental person I said you have no idea who you're talking to.
Speaker 1:On the planet, right, and I think it was a space where this had been bottled up for a long time, clearly, clearly. And you know, at the end of the day my thing was with as much energy as it was, I was trying to just bring it down like, hey, he said when you walked away he was going to, you know, flip you a little shit, but this is all in good fun. Apologize if we've offended you, let's move on, because we're taking this to a whole nother level. But it's interesting and what's always bubbling below the surface, like she was character.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she was in character and had to stay in character and was tired of being in character. Yeah, and it was the one thing like you calling it out, like calling out man, and then was like I actually hate being in character. Now let me tell you exactly who I am and how I feel. You know, and maybe she felt better after the fact, but at the end of the day, again, what I got out of it is pressure builds when we aren't polarized, when we aren't just who we need to be there is a pressure that builds and eventually there's going to be something, and typically that something isn't even the something that we need to address, like she addressed you right.
Speaker 1:As a matter of fact, that conversation probably should be had with herself. Like what's in it for me to stay in something that I can't stand. I mean, she was going on with examples of how she has to, you know, make sure these guys are happy and how, like this is how I feed my family and you think I like that. Would you like that? Would you like being on all the time and just this pressure of being in a role that she really doesn't want to be in?
Speaker 2:And made assumptions Right, I was an made assumptions Right, I was an easy target Right, cause I had the glasses on assumptions made. I work in tech, so then she has a whole energy about oh, I can talk crazy to him Cause he's non-threatening Right or he's he's not gonna. He doesn't look like the person that would do something to me or get bold, you know, or get loud or whatever. So she took advantage of what she thought she would assumed and really, really she, she's talking to some help right, and so we let that, you know. You know, whatever it is right. And there's some, there's some advocacy for self and like, hey, let me. Yeah, clearly you're dealing with a lot, but again, if you do not heal your wound, you'll bleed on others. That did not cause the wound Right, and what we witnessed in just that small snapshot and that blow up moment is someone that is living and working consistently in a inauthentic manner because there's a lack of integration.
Speaker 2:She does not want to do what she's doing to make a living. Yes, she chooses to do it anyway. There's a lack of integration and I know I'm talking to somebody because we're talking about a waitress at a bar at 1 am in the morning, but there's people that are showing up to their corporate office. Why can't? Why? Why can't we work for so-and-so? They blow up at everything. Yeah, because they're doing something that's inauthentic to them. There's not an integration. They're performing for the sake of how they have to earn a living. The pressure on them to take care of their family, this type of living that they want to have, the type of vacations they want to go on all this existential pressure causes these people to perform. I've been there.
Speaker 1:People in relationships right, come on, you know what I'm saying People that didn't really want to have kids and now the kids are here, yeah, man, and I feel the pressure because I wanted to keep this relationship together.
Speaker 1:So I did some stuff that I really shouldn't have signed up for, because this was, and so that's where that bitterness it's like, that's where that joy leaves when we're constantly trying to shift and change, to hold some stuff together. That really ain't the thing for us, but it's comfortable kinda, it's reliable kind of, we know it kind of, and we don't necessarily have the faith to get to the other side of what we actually really want, because we have to lose something to get there, and that's scary, and that's scary. And so to move us along, like today, we're going to talk about the advantage of being polarizing and we're going to use about the advantage of being polarizing and we're going to use our own experience. So when we talk about polarization, before we get there, we need to talk about the opposite of that which is constantly wanting and trying to be accepted. So, joshua, I have a question for you.
Speaker 2:Before we get into the benefits of polarization, let's talk about the pressure of being accepted. How did the pressure of being accepted show up? Need to be accepted is beginning to weaken and wear off, but it's still very strong, right? My therapist shared with me not too long ago I'm processing some things with her and that'll be for another episode Everybody, everybody, like what is she Right? But she told me um, you know, being good has ruined your life.
Speaker 1:Such a bar.
Speaker 2:And when she said it, I, I like, I just had to like it. It just. You know, when something resonates with you and it just snatches a feeling in you that has been floating out there and is looking for a place to settle, it's like that feeling got hold and it's like, boom, this is what's, uh, this good guy act, trying to be what people want you to be, so you can find a way to get what you want out of the situation, so you can experience less pain connected to rejection. So who do you need to be, joshua, in your marriage? Who do you need to be in your friendships? Um, who are you at work? And so there's little pieces of you spread throughout your entire life and it becomes very difficult to track. Who am I here? And then I got to be the same person here, and while you think you're holding it together because this is just me, this is just how you do it, there's no depth to the relationships that you build, and that was a mirror to look in, because I pride myself on being a connector, being a communicator, being someone that can hold space. And again, this is a journey. When I tell you all this is a journey, nobody has arrived and there is nowhere to go. You are where you are, and if you're not paying attention to what's being reflected to you, you will miss major information that can unlock your authenticity, to be free to be you.
Speaker 2:And so, for that moment, I'm why am I performing? What am I afraid of? And it it looks like being raised in the church. I, you were born in sin and shaped in iniquity. You're actually not good enough right now for me to love you. I need you to accept my son, and again I'm. You can reject what I'm saying or not. I'm just telling you how it landed on me. You can reject, if you reject my son. Yeah, you just yeah, I I don't know what to tell you you won't be accepted to the kingdom of god if you receive my son. Okay, now we can talk. Now you're good enough, right, and I'm oversimplifying that message, but that's what's being communicated.
Speaker 2:I'm not good enough as designed. I have to be something else that I'm not. So where do I go? What do I look like? How do I have to behave? Oh, you got that kink in you. You got that type of desire. You got that going on. Oh, yeah, that's sinful, bro, but matter of fact, don't even get the courage to speak on it. Just start performing and we'll pray that thing out of you, whatever that might be, yeah Right.
Speaker 2:And so people are walking around disconnected, not integrated. Sin is the separation from God. I'm going to get a little deep on you. We're talking about integrating because really that's what God is charging us to do, or whatever your belief system is. I've designed you to be you, so be you. The world is telling you you're not good enough. I made you in my image, I made you whole. There's nothing wrong with you and you're not broken. I made you in my image, I made you whole. There's nothing wrong with you and you're not broken. But we have such a problem believing that because we think we're, we think we're, we think something's wrong. I talk to overthinkers all the time because they're overthinking, constantly, trying to avoid making a mistake that might expose how they really feel about something. I'll pause there, brother. What comes up for you?
Speaker 1:Man, I'm going to tell a story that I've told before, but way early in the podcast because it and actually I wasn't even planning on this, it just came up for me. But, um, when I was in sixth grade, a couple of things were going on. Yeah, um, struggling with my weight I was already 170 pounds and I was like five, seven, right, struggling my weight, struggling my confidence. Um, classify me as a nerd, right Like just. And growing up on the hill, so that was different in the hilltop and just really struggling with wanting to be accepted, right, like really be accepted. And it was just the time when I was seeing people getting hugs in the hallway, people getting hugs in the hallway, and I'd never get a hug, but I would always see, like one of my boys, louie, he was always getting a hug.
Speaker 1:And my sixth grade crush was a girl named Keisha and I remember she was in a vending machine and she was literally trying to get a candy bar out and she was trying to hit. She was trying to, it was like E10, but she hit E10. So she got E1 and that was the wrong bar. So she got E1 and that was the wrong bar and I had my reduced lunch money. So now I'm now about to forego my lunch and I said, hey, no, no, no, I got you. I I needed on the back burner, right, I had to put what I needed, what I wanted, on the back burner and sacrifice that for someone else, just reinforcing this. Service without boundaries right. Service without boundaries right. Being in the church right. Being a good boy, like being the one that serves, the one that stays late, the one that comes early, the one that opens all the doors yes, ma'am, no, sir, right. And that there's nothing wrong with these things, like, I'm not saying that. But what I'm saying is when you're learning to do these things because you don't have confidence and the acceptance becomes the currency for your worth, then you start to contort and shift to be what you feel like people need you to be, so that they can tell you who you are.
Speaker 1:And I was practicing that from a young age. So when there were times to get the trophies, when there were time to get the awards, when there were time to serve and volunteer, I'm stepping up because I don't have it in me to say this is who I am. I need you to tell me who I am and the only way that I can craft that story into a way that is going to be brilliant and bright and flawless is if I overachieve, if I deny what's for me in an effort to make sure you're whole. Like we say, it is way easier to be the hero in someone else's story than it is your own. And so I practice.
Speaker 1:I practice that even in my, in my coaching, my motivational speaking, projecting this image that isn't me. Most people actually don't even know me, joshua. They know an image that I projected to be accepted, to get something out of it. They don't know me. You know me right. My brother knows me me. You know I can be a whole demon out here. Yeah, they looking at me like church boy, mama's boy, golden boy, and that's like when I get caught up or something goes down.
Speaker 1:Why it's so catastrophic? Because it's so outside of what you believe I am. And guess what? I got to take accountability for that? Because I projected the shit. I projected it in a cause. I want to be accepted. So I'm gonna give you what I need to give you, but what you don't realize.
Speaker 1:It's not narcissistic, it's not sinister. This is somebody who is literally still trying to find their worth by themselves struggling to do that, trying to find their worth by themselves. Struggling to do that, and I can say that here. Yeah, because I'm safe with you, I'm safe with my audience, but this whole idea of being accepted at all costs has killed me, softly it's. I struggle to be polarizing, I struggle to just move forward with my own opinion, or actually how? Because I'm thinking how are they going to accept it? How's that going to land? Is that going to tarnish my brand? Well, damn it. If you're constantly questioning what you got to say and what you got to do, then the people we talk about this all the time Accept me for who I am. I the time accept me for who I. I would rather you accept me for who I am right, reject me for who I am, than accept me for who I'm not.
Speaker 1:And guess what? That gets confusing, that gets wild, that gets so convoluted when you're constantly shape-shifting so that people will love you. Well, do they love you, or do they love what you've projected? Do they love the image? They don't know you. I've had people that weren't even willing to talk to me about certain things because they thought I was holier than thou, and I'm like wait, wait, no, no, no, you don't know me. You can talk to me about anything, I'll keep your secrets. I'll walk you through it. What do you mean? I'm not judging you. Who am I? And they're like wait, this is you, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And so for me, like I said, I think we're in the same space where I'm just now getting to, a space where this is who I am and I'm a projected. And guess what? If you like me or you love me, great, and if you don't, that's okay too. I don't need the entire crowd with me, yeah, because that means I'm being confused. There's no way. That doesn't exist. I don't need to be the sun. Even the sun takes a break, right, like it's not on us all the time, right so it. And it creates this perfectionist, like you know me. If I can't, if it can't be a home run and it can't be perfect, there's no such thing as incremental success with there's so many, there's so many like yeah, no, there's a lot here things to just wanting to be accepted at all costs yeah, there's a lot here.
Speaker 2:There's a lot here, um, and then we, you know we talk about this often, right, about being you're authentic, taking it off, taking off your judgments, taking off your assumptions, your interpretations, your limiting beliefs, because when you wear those things, you, you armor yourself. That's literally your clothes for the show, right, and it gets in the way of us seeing you, seeing me. Authenticity leads to polarization, because if I can express openly what I really think, how I really feel, what my real personality is, I've seen this, this. There's this trend going on on Instagram where it's like oh, show your real self. And you know, some people might post them dancing and acting silly or doing something that might not necessarily be what they project to the world. I was at the gym today. This young lady sees me work out. We're just having a conversation. And young lady uh sees me work out with just having a conversation and I said you look like you.
Speaker 2:You you know, you have a whole fitness account or something. She's like oh no, I wouldn't do that. I, I just, you know, I just overthink things and I would, I would. I just, you know, I, just I said you're afraid of being rejected. She was like, well, yeah, I don't want, I don't want to, I don't want to be rejected, I just need the confidence.
Speaker 2:I said, okay, and we get the confidence from doing it, but when there's so much fear about you just hosting who you are, well, because we've been lying the whole time right, like right, but seriously, you know, but even that simple thing I have to over and I'm not even saying I'm above this right, but I want us to just slow down because I know there's you get the urge to. I want to share this with the world and with that overthinking or that, okay, let me get it right this and do it like that, and that's fine. I'm not judging, we do whatever we do. But there's even a fear about even showing yourself, because it's connected to this fear of rejection, because if I start to show you who I am, I'm going to push somebody away that I don't want to be pushed away. But also you're going to strongly attract who's a false God, a false deity that you celebrate and promote, and it ain't got nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with you, and they're there, connected to something that's not even real.
Speaker 2:And this looks like relationships, marriages that are together that refuse to evolve. No, no, no, we got married with this agreement. You want to do what, you want to change things? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That we're not doing that, oh, okay, so we now we've stifled our growth in our relationship and our connection because I'm not the same person. I was 15, 20 years ago. I'm now this person. Meet me where I am and having the boldness to be authentic again. That's what's going to lead to having some more polarization in your life, so you can speak these truths boldly, so people can connect with the real, authentic you and not the performance you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I also think that if you aren't, if you don't feel safe enough with your community to be you, yeah, then it might be time to start to vet your community and I'm gonna push you.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna push you one push a little bit further. Yep, if you're not safe enough to be you with you. Absolutely right, that judgment is coming out of okay the old what. This is getting close. I'm triggered.
Speaker 2:That ain't got nothing to do with what the event that triggered you. That trigger is to expose in you something that you're still wrestling with, that's not healed. That's a you thing for sure. It has nothing to do so before you even get to starting to build a community around you we covered this in our last episode about finding your squad right you got to figure out how to be your own support system and feel great, being just who you are, even if that is that repels some people and taking those steps to step out and be bold, to be less performative and more polarizing. But that polarizing is connected to how authentic and how real you can keep it with yourself. Then you add the ingredients, then you add your community. Now we're talking about growing who you are through people and through your community.
Speaker 2:So much has happened being on this podcast. So much has come from having conversations about how to be more real, how to be more authentic, how to be more real, how to be more authentic, how to be more fully expressed. And I'm gonna tell you, my life has transformed in ways that I didn't even imagine possible, and I'm gonna keep it real. And it's scary absolutely what's crazy.
Speaker 1:That was just because, in order to move from where you're, where you are, to where you want to go, you got to pay the toll. You got to pay the price for that. You got to pay the price. Something has got to be lost in the fire, right as you're being purged. You don't get to experience change withouting something and the issue becomes you know, I'm not even.
Speaker 1:We had somebody talk about them making a very, very life altering decision based on listening to this podcast. I had no idea and I'm like there was a lot that was lost in that fire and I'm like there was a lot that was lost in that fire, but the life that they wanted versus where they were. It was more important for them to just let it burn and I can tell they're still not out of it but it was more important for them to make the tough decision and deal with those consequences than sit in a situation that wasn't going to serve them until they were in the grave. You got to be willing to lose something in order to gain it all, and that's the part that people don't want to look at Like yeah, you're going to lose some followers, yeah, you may lose some friends, but you're going to gain yourself.
Speaker 1:I'm talking to myself right now. You're going to gain yourself. You may lose the approval of parents, community members. Wait, that's a motivational speaker. How are you acting? Motivational speaker Wait a minute. Oh, so now I'm supposed to be perfect, right, because they put that on you. Well, no, you're supposed to be you, yeah, and it's finding the courage to get back to that yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:One thing that I uh see in terms of I don't know if we're ready to talk about the benefits of being polarizing, but to move in that direction being you, your authentic self, which will create polarization by default. It gets you it quickly identifies who genuinely is on your team Right, who genuinely wants to connect with you in forming deeper, more profound, more genuine relationships. It skips past the bullshit to walk in that type of power. I know I work with so many leaders and the thought is I gotta be everything for everyone, like they come in with that. No, that's garbage thinking.
Speaker 2:It will serve you to a certain point, but when you want to form a team of people that rock with you and I'm not talking about a football team of people, I'm talking about a few folks you can even have these really big, large organizations and teams and there's like two or three people that you rock with. That is going to be supporting you and we're going through it and you'll get so much accomplished. Absolutely You'll get so much accomplished with people that really mess with you because you've decided to be you and that's going to polarize the room. It should polarize the room, but in leadership and in relationships and when you're a people pleaser and you want to stay and maintain a connection, you want to maintain, uh, these performative connections, these transactional relationships, because your win is to make sure everybody likes likes me. When that performance review comes around, I want to make sure I get the most highest inspired and engaged scores, so I look like even over production, over production.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely, yeah, production. What? No, no, no, no, we're going to keep this. Is loyalty over performance. Yeah, I want to keep people around. They're going to keep, you know, my name in their mouth a certain way, and I will sacrifice it all for what it looks like. You know, and that's the real thing.
Speaker 2:And it's difficult, even when you think about relationships. What's going on is it doesn't matter if there's a divorce or not, because I know couples that get divorced but because they keep it because of how authentic and genuine each other decided to be as a relationship, the weight of the relationship and performing for the relationship. As that begin to settle, they realize you know what I'm freer without you, and they get divorced and they have some of the most genuine relationships post-marriage, because now they can keep it real, they can keep it authentic, they can be genuine in their expression. It's not about we've been together 50 years Okay, great, nobody's knocking that but if we double click, the intimacy might not be there. It looks good on paper. We're performing because our society has socially engineered us to celebrate to people, please society, about what it means to be in a strong relationship, and some of the strongest relationships are the relationships that are attached to the performing relationship yeah, yeah, I just got that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, put that together, because what you'll find is and in those spaces there's more intimacy there, because there's less of performance and then they're wondering how can she be with him. And how could they do that? Because they got a chance to escape, to be real with each other, got to take it off.
Speaker 1:Come on, man they got to take it off. No, that on man, they got to take it off, but that's, but that's.
Speaker 2:See, that's real though, right, and it doesn't look like the, the, the perfect box that we're sold about how things should be. Yeah, right, as a filter to get to the real connections that we so deeply need for our survival and our thriving, yeah, that's. The filter that you need is simply be you, and that is the hardest thing that we have been charged with while we were in this human experience is what does it mean to just be you? That's a big question, bro. That's a huge question, but there's a fear, fear of polarizing, fear of rejection, the negative reactions from others.
Speaker 2:All this is crucial because this inhibits our self-expression yeah it keeps us from leading to fulfilling relationships, relationships that matter. So they're put on the shelf and we perform and we go through life on autopilot, because we don't want people to see who we really are, for sure.
Speaker 1:So anyway, and we and we, you know I. This reminds me of, uh, one of my girlfriends had given me a call and one of my girls that's a friend gives me a call. That's cool, bro.
Speaker 2:You can have multiple girlfriends, if that's really you.
Speaker 1:Be polarizing? No, but this is a platonic relationship. And she's like I just don't get it. And she just broke up with a guy. She's like I just don't get it and she just broke up with a guy. She's like I just don't get it. He would rather hang with his friends than hang with me. Right, and this has been a thing. So she's like all men would rather hang with their guys than hang with their woman. And I had to have a real conversation. I'm like, well, no See, when I'm hanging with my guy, like when I hang with Josh, I'm making a choice. I'm making a choice. I am moving things around because I want to spend time with him. Right, I'm making a choice.
Speaker 1:You were finding people that really aren't choosing you, like you're trying to push them, convince them, strong arm them, manipulate them, use your sexuality all these things that you have at your expense but they're not organically choosing you. You're manipulating the situation and it's not working because, given the choice, they're going in a different direction, right? So why not change your strategy to actually be with people who really do, who really are choosing you from the beginning, which means you actually need to be who you are, not start off as one thing, right to get them, and then change it to something totally different after the honeymoon stage is over. Now there's an element of that, but this extreme, you're not keeping it a buck. They're not choosing you, they're choosing your representative, they're choosing your manager, they're choosing the brand that you're putting out right in talking about this. So I mean, this happens in so many different areas. Now I have another question for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man Ask it, brother happens in so many different areas.
Speaker 1:Now I have another question for you. Yeah, man, ask your brother, how would being more polarizing or being a more polarizing person benefit you?
Speaker 2:yeah, um hitting. Just we briefly was hitting on this um earlier.
Speaker 1:Uh, it allows for more genuine, intimate, deeper connections and I'm this for our audience you specifically, Joshua A, not the examples. I want to know for you. How would that, what would that mean for me in my life If you were more polarizing? How would it impact you in your life?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's the journey I'm on, and so as I become more polarizing, I will free up my energy. I'll be much more efficient with the relationships and the connections and the business. I'll spend less time in places that I'm not wanting and see, this came up for me in therapy too. I hang on to situations because I fear of fear being forgotten.
Speaker 2:Yeah right, there's a, there's a part of me that wants to be remembered, and I want to be remembered in a very positive light so that positive light, that good light that I want to be remembered for no matter, even if I'm doing some fucked up shit, I still want to find out what's the best way to perform this and wrap this to still make it look like it's good. But is it true, joshua?
Speaker 1:for someone who for someone who uh is is so far removed from religion. It's very interesting that you would sacrifice yourself to be praised.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that sounds like a doctrine somewhere. That's crazy. That sounds like a. That sounds like something that we're taught and we we integrate into our life, because that's what we were told is the example. You were born in sin and shaped in iniquity. You have to sacrifice yourself because sin can't be in the presence of God If we get religious on this. But really what we're talking about is Joshua who are you and are you willing to sacrifice what it means to be accepted by others to find out who you are so others can find you as you were designed, and I'm not talking about it. Sometimes, when people hear this is like well just be you.
Speaker 2:Do you know YOLO? We only live once. No, no, no, no. That's not you spending every weekend drinking and hiding and avoiding you, right? That's not you. That's not you. That's a habit, that's a choice that you're doing to avoid working on you. You is in the work that you're avoiding like man. I'm gonna tell you this because I know a part of me changed, and a lot of more. My confidence and self-esteem grew when I started to look in the mirror and I wasn't 280 pounds anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, it was just a byproduct of it. My confidence and my again still struggle. But I know, when I looked at myself and I say, yeah, here he come, there he is. So that might look like oh, I'm on camera, more I'm up in front of your face, more I'm on social media more.
Speaker 1:I'm seawalking in the club.
Speaker 2:I'm seawalking in the clubs more you know I'm doing more of me, whatever that may mean, and some people struggle to be them because I posted this the other day god ain't gonna give you that body because he's too afraid of what you're gonna do with it when you have it.
Speaker 1:Oh, I said all the time, I said all the time. He knows better than to do it.
Speaker 2:He knows better than me yeah, give some people some money and I'm talking about money that they earned, yeah, that they sacrificed to get Yep. And look at what follows. What type of person starts to emerge. Oh, you changed. No, no, no, no, no, I've been freed and I had to get it through discipline Yep.
Speaker 2:That day that I wanted to go out, or I wanted to go on that trip, or I wanted to avoid me, I decided to embrace me and it looked like me getting my eight hours of sleep so I can get up and go to the gym in the morning, so I could go to work, so I could work hard to level up in my career, to get the things that come with that, like money and titles, so I could build more of who I wanted to be. So when I show up, I'm showing up with the story that has freedom attached to it, because I had to pay the price for that. Oh, I'm just doing me. So you're sleeping with everybody and I'm not here to judge the behavior. And I'm not here to judge the behavior. But I just want to tell somebody that that's not you. That's a symptom of you not doing you, Of you hiding from me, like really doing you, yeah, and that doing you is some disciplined time around, sitting with the thoughts, conversations, the hurt, the pain.
Speaker 2:You're figuring out how you have been designed so you can be self-aware enough, so you know what your blind spots are. So you limit how often you make choices that are not in alignment with who you are. The more choices you can limit. I'm not talking about I'm going to be, no, I'm talking about limiting the things that are not authentically you. Polarizing becomes a filter for you to get access to who you are, so you can have that integrated, deep, intimate relationship with self. Now we are ready to build our community right, but that takes so much work and discipline. We rather hey in the Bahamas again. Hey over in this country again. How you feel about yourself well so, and so just killed himself the other day. This integration of self isn't there. That was for someone else and and this is the pain when that someone else rejects the part of you that isn't even you isn't it crazy?
Speaker 1:so the plan didn't work. Come on, man all, that's all of that, and it still didn't work, bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a painful feeling. Yeah, yeah, right, and it gives us an out. Well, I wasn't really me anyway, and they still rejected the image of you that you thought would be more preferred right so you might as well be you, because they're going to talk shit about you anyway, they're going to judge you anyway.
Speaker 2:So you might as well be rejected for who you are than being received for who you are not. And when you wrestle with that and you're honest, you can have such I mean such a more like your relationships just get healthier, just off that alone. Because it's less performative In the Energy Leadership Index context. It's less level three, it's less transactional, it's less like hey, I'm just who would I need to be today? I might overlook some things because I got to stay, I got to get my win Right. And I'm going to tell you right now this is a battle I fight deeply Because I'm so compelled to want to be received by the masses, because that's where, oh, that's my worth. Well, clearly, look at the results, look at all these people that like me. So I guess I'm likable, okay, and it's a constant battle.
Speaker 2:It's a struggle to remind yourself is this what you really want to do, joshua? Is this really? What is this? It? And you'll feel it Because you'll be. You won't be integrated. I keep using that word. You'll be. Uh, you won't be integrated. I keep using that word. You just. You'll be so disconnected from who you are you won't even recognize yourself. When you look in the mirror and I'm speaking the truth because I've done that I've looked at myself in the mirror and said man, that's not me, bro, and I'm performing because I have to and that's a fucking heavy burden bro I know yeah, that's heavy, man, that's heavy.
Speaker 2:So you have to lay that down, cause it will crush you. It will crush you, it will crush you and it'll create someone you don't even recognize anymore. For the sake of what? Right, anyway, I'll pause here, man, what comes up for you?
Speaker 1:brother. You know a good friend of mine, Reggie Brown. He's a builder and he talks about when he's doing some real estate investing, when he's closing a deal and he's looking at buying a property. What he does is he always gives his best and final offer up front. He doesn't low ball, he doesn't. It's always his best and final offer up front.
Speaker 1:This was coming up for me with this, as he's mentoring me in some areas, and the reason he does that is so that he can sleep at night, right, Like if they say that that's not going to work. Well, I gave my best and final offer. Or let's say I tried to lowball him by $30,000 or $100,000 and I had it and I didn't and I lost out on the deal. He's like no, you just give your best offer, that's you. I can sleep at night Because if it does work out, great, it's me. If it doesn't work out, great it's me. But this is my best and final offer, right, and that is a boundary so he can decide what deals he's going to participate in and what deals he isn't.
Speaker 2:Filters stuff out, filters it out, Filters it out right.
Speaker 1:It makes it actually easier hearing yes or no when you've decided how you're going to move. And so for me, I think the biggest benefit I can be someone who really over thinks to where I'm paralyzed about a lot of things, and when I think about it it's connected to am I going to be accepted? And so for me, the biggest benefit is trusting myself again. Right, Because I'm not trying to run three, four, five, six different campaigns depending on who I'm in front of. Right, I'm just being me, and that's like it's so tough sometimes. Just being you, Because there's this expectation that if you are you, am I going to be rejected? Am I going to lose my job? Are they going to still?
Speaker 2:love me.
Speaker 1:If you knew who I really was, are you still going to love me? Come on, man, like I'm sorry, I'm struggling, just I'm just trying to be who I really am. The pressure of just being who I really am, will you still love me? So, instead of being who I really am, I'm going to put on a mask for everybody, everybody, and I think I know it's exhausting. It's exhausting, and we're not even allowed to talk about it as men, because you're supposed to just have your shit together. Okay, well, what does that mean? Hey, protect, provide stability, be strong. Okay, I get it. So you can't even talk to nobody about this shit.
Speaker 1:No, so then you're trying to, you know, act like you always got it together, because that's what a man is, that's what a father is, that's what a husband is. And then, when you don't, or you feel like whatever, oh, now I gotta to overcompensate, now I got to do stupid stuff to overcompensate, when I can just tell the truth, hey, this is who I am, this is who I am. For me, moving forward, I got into situations where I'm like, I actually like. I'm actually not trying to hurt anybody, I'm trying to perform for everybody, including myself. I'm trying to find myself and satisfy what I think you need me to be now moving forward. This is just who I am. The benefit of that is peace, because there's no false expectation. Right, if you I'm not messing with the perfect, you're not messing with that, and I think the real work is is having the faith that if I expose who I am to the world, I'm still going to be accepted and loved by somebody.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Somebody.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's an abundant mentality.
Speaker 1:Right that you're going to love me, because I know how to. I know how to sow into you, I know how to build you up, I know how to lift you up oh, I've got the muscle for that. But just showing up as myself, authentically, and I think that that's why our relationship has flourished Because, Joshua, there's nothing you can't tell me that I can't hold. I take pride in that and I know that there's nothing that I could say to you that's going to shock you and run you away. I take solace in that, you know, and that's rare, that's rare, that's rare.
Speaker 2:I told my daughter Charlie I tell my kids this all the time I said there is nothing. There's nothing in this world that you can do, nothing that will make me not love you. I said mommy and daddy love you and there's nothing in this world that you can do. She recorded a message and sent it to me and said daddy, thank you for always telling us that we can mess up, we can make mistakes, and you'll always love us. And that's just such an amazing bond to have with us. And she was speaking on behalf of her brothers and sisters, and so it was just on behalf of her brothers and sisters, and so it was just, you know, that type of foundation. To hear that it means something. She just turned 11 and she's already anchoring around.
Speaker 2:I can be me, and that does not mean I will not be loved by the people that I love, and people need to hear that. There's relationships out there that need to hear I don't care how you are, and this is not permission to go and act a fool and be off the hook, but in the chance that that happens, our love is so strong we would not discard you, because it's not about that. It's about you trying to find out who you are through pain, trials, tribulations, disappointments, rejections and the chance that you may potentially be forgotten. Love and having genuine connections with people by getting to it, by being you and polarizing your audience so you can make sense of who am I gonna have deep connections here with, so I get to be more fully expressed, because I know, according to this research from Harvard University, this 80-year study, I don't need a football team of people around me. I just need two or three people around me that I can be fully expressed with and I can go lay my burden down with them. To go back to the world that you might have to perform for here and there you might have to put on the show. That's still a part of us. I'm not trying to excuse like that's not gonna be you anymore. Right, you get to choose now consciously, where you perform, who you perform for and when the performance is deteriorating your relationship to the point that it is a weight that you can no longer carry. You get to make a decision about that, but being conscious about how you polarize and be your authentic self, to use it as a tool now to find who's compatible with you, to enhance the overall honesty and healthiness of the relationship. This matters to your life. You cannot thrive performing. You're surviving to get through. You're thriving that abundance, that freeness that you're looking for.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have a financial planner and he gives me this example all the time. He says let me remind you, I have a surgeon that I work with. He makes millions of dollars every year and he cannot retire. He will work until he's way past 80. Oh, but he's got the house, he's got the fancy cars, he's going on luxurious vacations, but he will work. I got a teacher that's going to retire in 10 years She'll be 55, and she's going to travel the world because she decided I don't need to perform. See, now we're getting into your brands that you put on. I'm talking yeah, what you got to go shop at louis v the louis, this into that and I'm hey driving the big body here, two hands up.
Speaker 2:I got you Right, but this is making me. This is so much like the air we breathe, Yep. We don't even recognize and be able to identify. Why are you in debt? And I guarantee you that debt has more to do with performing for other people than it does.
Speaker 1:But probably the shit that you really want, fam, if you just take what you and I have made in the last 10 years. Yeah right, if you combine that, we just came together and just formed an llc and we had just took what we made in the last 10 years. If we didn't care, we just came together and just formed an llc and we had just took what we made in the last 10 years. If we didn't care, we just. Transportation was a to b.
Speaker 1:A house is a home yeah yeah, you know what I'm saying, bro. I'm talking to myself. I'm not gonna act like, I'm not out here, like right?
Speaker 2:um, yeah, you're, you're. You're listening to a very controversial, conflicted, contradictory example right here. Yeah, I'm talking to us, yep, speaking to our situation. Yep, what can we glean from a polarizing life? Care less about what people think, including your parents, including your pastor, including your teacher, whatever power structure is in your life that tells you you're not good enough. As designed, you need to be doing X, y and Z, and there's nothing wrong with growing and achieving. Who are you doing it for and why Really get clear on your? Why really get clear on your? Why? Because I'll tell you I have spent a lifetime trying to fix mistakes and cover it up because, like man, I didn't really want to do this.
Speaker 2:Now here, I am doing it and I have to live with that. But we get to make changes in the face of new information. Right, we, we, we, we. And that's the beauty of the journey is we can, we get to. We get to say, all right, it's time to go left now, for sure. Right, I'm gonna avoid superficial connections because I've seen the fruit of that. We just talked about this yeah I've.
Speaker 2:I've seen the fruit of that way, right, and so instead, how about I just be me and the things that I want to the world to see that I'm good with, because they're genuinely me, and let's see what type of mutually truly compatible relationships emerge from that lifestyle? Yeah, because I've. I've seen what the other has gotten me.
Speaker 1:Now let me see what the benefits of living a polarizing life allow me to experience and there's a transition period 100 right, there's a little bit of loneliness that goes into that last question I got for you. Yeah, brother, what fear keeps you from being more polarizing?
Speaker 2:keeps you from being more polarizing. The very first thing that comes up is is grieving friendships, grieving people, or, yeah, or the people I haven't even met yet. That will see me as a fraud, an imposter. How can?
Speaker 1:a life coach a fraud, an imposter.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how can a life coach, how can this image that we see of this family man be dealing with what he's dealing with or be doing what he's doing? What a hypocrite. So I'll try my best to tuck high shape shift cover for the sake of their acceptance. And that game, that show can that show. You can only do that for so long, until you have to make a choice about what am I getting out of living like this? And there's wisdom there, and I also counted joy too, because without the pain of going through an inauthentic experience, you never realize the power of what comes with living closer and closer and closer to your authentic self.
Speaker 2:And you're going to lose people in the process Family members, friendships that you've known for many, many years. You might need to find a new job, spend a lot of time somewhere putting on a show like the young lady to bring you full circle, know how much time she spends there nightly forming to be the flirt, to be the, the guy that, to be the girl that all the guys want to find and hug before they leave, just to get a feel, just to get a touch. And she has to smile. Yeah, I, I've heard this from some gentlemen's clubs I've been to that have said the same thing. Oh yeah, we, we get deep with the strippers. They're people, they're people, they're people. Yeah, joshua goes to strip clubs and I enjoy them Well you're in the club capital of the world.
Speaker 2:Portland yeah, portland, absolutely. Haven't been in a while. In Portland, it's been more so a Vegas thing. But my point here is that these are people and the idea that you're separated from the waitress what we're talking about, or the adult film star or the stripper or whatever judgment you have, for however, people make money. We are doing more of the same than we are being different, no question.
Speaker 2:And see, that's the real conversation. You should be able to find some empathy now when you're going to that job performing but you got your white collar on the team can't wait to hear what you have to say in terms of how you're going to lead and direct them to reach some financial goal that you could really care less about, because you'd rather be doing something else. But you can't because there's so much existential pressure to be something that you're not to buy a bunch of shit for a bunch of people that could care less about who you are on the inside and I've been there. I'm still there in some ways, but every day, every time we get a chance to get on this podcast, I'm held accountable, just a little bit more absolutely no, and that's the beauty.
Speaker 2:That's the beauty of walking away from what I walked away from to be right here right now, holding space for people that need to hear this message unhinged I don't give a fuck, nobody can fire me but me. And that doesn't mean because I'm an entrepreneur and I'm working for myself. No, nobody can fire you but you. You are the thing that is being created to find spaces to occupy, and this is not a message to everybody. Quit your job and be an entrepreneur, no, but find what's authentically you, that gives you joy, and do that Because that's going to save your life, that's going to reduce your stress, that's going to give you access to more of you, so you can be who you need to be for the world that needs to see that you. That takes some time and it takes some bravery. Right, you might need a coach, you might need a therapist, you might need a friend that don't have a dog in the fight. Go find who you need to be more who you are anyway, brother yeah, um, for me, I think, like you, it is well.
Speaker 1:The fear is two things. One, like who's gonna get left behind, you know, especially when you're. You know, one of my biggest struggles to have overcome is being codependent, is being, is serving without boundaries, is not finding my worth in the opinions or the words of other people. I think the second thing is, you know, I've always designed this image of what my legacy is going to look like, this kind of pristine image, right, pristine, like I'm going to leave my mark on this world and it's going to look like blank and to think that if I show up as me, that that mark ain't pristine no more. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, like I understand.
Speaker 1:As a storyteller, I fundamentally understand that there is beauty in our suffering, that there is no great story without challenges, that it's actually. It's actually in the, it's in the overcoming that we get connected to the character. But when I look at my life, I'm like man. I want it to be so clean, I want it to look a certain way. And if I don't, if it doesn't look a certain way, then what are they going to say about me? What are they going to think about me If they actually know who I am not what I project, but who I am, not what I project, but who I am Can I still keep the image?
Speaker 1:And it's like most of these people you don't even know, most of the people don't even really care about. What are you taught? You're spending all of this energy to project and create an image for who are you performing for? And so for me, like I said, the two fears are that I'm going to lose people and that I will not be remembered or thought of in the way that I feel is quote unquote appropriate or fitting. Yet in trying to perform for that, killing myself softly, you know, killing myself softly. And so I don't know about you, but for we've been talking about this for a couple of weeks, but for me, I think this is a big push for me to continue to be more and more of who I am in person on social media, as I connect with people, um, and just letting the chips fall where they may, and also believing that, regardless of what, that, I'm a great person yeah right, regardless of whatever that my thing is that I'm okay, that I'm.
Speaker 1:Hey, I'm somebody you want on your team, right and and and. Even in how I just frame that tells me how much work I need.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm somebody you want on your team, because I'm still advocating yeah, not being advocating, it's deep, bro, it is. And that's why you need to process this with people who you love and trust. You need community for it. Because, even as I'm talking about it, I'm still talking in a language of please accept me, please look at me in the way that that just you know. Like, come on, man, let's photoshop this thing. Like let's get it to market, it ain't quite ready. No, just get there, just be you, yeah, just be you, yeah. And if they could, if it polarizing is not the worst thing, it's actually necessary for you to get to where you want to go. It's essential, it's essential.
Speaker 2:It's essential. It's a crucial mechanism to build and achieve authentic relationships in your life. It helps you to avoid the pain that comes from superficial connections, so instead, the relationships are based on a true compatibility, a true mutual respect. Now build your house on that foundation.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, foundation right, and there's more in it for you to live in that way than ways that are not conducive to or the ways that get that, that stifle your growth, because you have to maintain and perform and be a part of something that isn't truly integrated with your core values. Some people might not even know what their core values are, because they've performed so long. They're just who they are for what Gotham needs them to be.
Speaker 1:What does Gotham need me to be?
Speaker 2:Whatever Gotham needs me to be. What does Gotham?
Speaker 1:need me to be.
Speaker 2:Whatever Gotham needs me to be, that's actually my toxic trait. That right, there is my toxic trait.
Speaker 1:I'm whatever you need me to be, yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I just want you to accept me. Yeah, because if I get accepted, then I can get what I want in my short term.
Speaker 1:You got to before I could Short term. Yeah, short term. And you got to before I could short term.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Short term.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but what do I want long term? Yeah, man.
Speaker 1:I think that's a great place to end it. What do I?
Speaker 2:want long term.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:What do I want long term? How do you want to be we? You know, visioning and seeing yourself in the future helps you start to move in the way that you, uh, should move today, right To be able to access that person tomorrow, and that's I mean, that's, that's. This takes a lot of work, man, and you know there's I don't know why I'm so biblical today. You know, don't get weary.
Speaker 1:The you know there's. I don't know why I'm so biblical today. You know, don't get weary. The irony of all that, oh my god, yeah, the irony of all of that. Well, we would love for you guys to. We need a review, we I know we need a review, somebody review us. Well, the crazy part about it is we get reviews, they just ain't reviewing. Yeah, we go to.
Speaker 2:I know we get the incremental feedback from the wild yes, and it's valuable, it's valuable metrics.
Speaker 2:Metrics matter too, yeah, and so go to the show and go five star and then write a beautiful review of how this podcast has continued to transform. Your life has been a place to just have honest conversation. I've been at the gym. I have some some, some, some, some some my gym goers hey man, let's see your podcast. Man, you know men aren't really talking about what. Y'all talking about this. That was very interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we here to be polarizing. It's not for all the men, right? You're the quote-unquote alpha male and you can't cry in front of your woman and you can't do this and you can't do that and you're gonna die six, seven years below the national average because you holding all that stress and pressure from all them secrets you carry in. This might not be for you. That's crazy.
Speaker 2:But if you want to live to 77, the average age of an American here and you are a man I'm speaking to my man right now and you want to be able to find space to process you I'm not saying you got to come to us, but understand the power of processing you with a human that can see your blind spots. That doesn't have a manipulative gain in it for them to direct you one way or the other other than just you unfolding and unleashing you. That is powerful, that will save your life before you die, yeah, so anyway, we all know that we we have come to this earth to merge, expand and expire, and what we do in the process matters how we get to that because I ain't trying to expire, bro.
Speaker 1:I want to live forever. Yeah, yeah, I know I mean, I know I can't, but I would love to. That's it. But, like I said, like we said, uh, hey, continue to share. Please share, like when you see our clips. If you write in with the take it off podcast, you know, share our clips like the clips we want to repost, yeah we want to.
Speaker 1:We want to expand um to the audience that you know sees what we do is valuable and typically you know the people that are that are riding with us or riding with people who probably want to ride with us too. So we would love your help, you know, we would love your feedback about what you want to hear and, at the end of the day, man, we just love showing up for you and we love showing up for each other first.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, man. Shout out to, to, to, to one of our listeners. I uh, jason um works for the oregon parks and metro team man, so I want to give you a shout out, man. I appreciate you listening to us man, and and uh, talking about that during the meeting we had, uh, so this is episode 50, man, and I know you were. You know you're trying to find your squad man, so find them right and uh, continue to advocate and and um and share what we got going on. And if there's another jason out there, you know, using jason theoretically, yeah, if you're a member of our team, you know, and you, you, uh, you're on the mission to polarize your audience. That finds more and more people that are take it off fans and uh, you know, and this, this message, means something for them. Please share it.
Speaker 2:Like, like jeremy mentioned earlier, we've gotten feedback indirectly that people have shifted and made major life changes as a result of no longer tolerating certain relationships in their lives that did not aid or abet them, did not feed them, and it was time to move differently so they can thrive. And that journey is scary. Yeah, like I said, it's full of fear. But pick your fear, pick your pain consciously. Pick your problems Because they're coming with or without your consent, so pick them.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I like when we shout out people, man, when we shout out our audience. You know a shout out to Cammy, I found, you know. Shout out to Cammy. Cammy, I'm finding out she and her sister have been listening to our podcast for I don't know how long. I'm just finding this out through Joshua A. I'm going to start shouting out the people. I know some names, yeah, who have been writing with us. Shout out to Charles too. Charles, chuck D, that's my guy, you know.
Speaker 2:We're going to honor the people that are honoring us okay, he shares clips, he puts it on social.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, he's all he he'd be in my dm, not even knowing he'd just send something man encouraging me, not knowing I need it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man not knowing I need it he's just a good dude. He's a good dude man. Yeah, yes, sir, yes, sir we got great.
Speaker 1:We have great people that listen to our stuff yeah, 100 man.
Speaker 2:So, uh, anyway, brother, that's it, man, that's the take it off. Podcast episode 50. You got enough content here, brother, to last like another two weeks before we drop our next episode, and uh, who knows, we may drop one in one week, I don't know, who knows.
Speaker 1:Well, you know I love you, brother. Love you too, man. Like I said, I'm excited to keep doing this and I'm excited to continue to feed our audience. Keep it going. Yeah, man, here's to another 50 episodes. Yes, sir.
